Theres nothing that anyone can say or do to make it "better" for the Meyers but if you know them, please reach out to them periodically over the next year or so and just let them talk. Whatever you do, don't say "if there's anything you need..." because everyone says that and most don't mean it and if they did they wouldn't expect you to ask for the help in the first place. In fact, you don't need to say anything. Just listen.
Source: I lost my 3 y/o daughter to cancer as well. It's every parents worst nightmare and the ensuing darkness that comes over you after losing a child has got to be the deepest sort of depression there is. I had an easier time going to war, losing friends, and re-integrating into society with severe PTSD than I did dealing with the first year after Layla died.
If you know the Meyers, please, just be a presence and let them draw off a little bit of emotional energy from time to time.
As someone who has also been through this I agree.
Do write to them even, if you struggle to find words.
Do tell them you are thinking of them. It does help.
Don't avoid mentioning Rebecca for fear of reminding them: there is 0% chance that they will have forgotten, even ten years from now. They need to know she hasn't been forgotten by the world, too. The occasional "Rebecca would have loved this" is perfect.
Don't whisper. Dead children aren't secrets.
Yes, you can laugh: there is still joy and all children are silly.
Never, ever grab them by the elbow and talk to them with you head tilted sideways (that drove me mad!).
Warning: I am constantly looking for any opportunity to mention my son and I am duty bound to include him an any headcount or history or whenever a new family face is born. If The Meyers do this, please try not to look shocked each time.
> Warning: I am constantly looking for any opportunity to mention my son and I am duty bound to include him an any headcount or history or whenever a new family face is born. If The Meyers do this, please try not to look shocked each time.
Yes, this is a huge point. Different families grieve differently, and how one properly memorializes their dead children is a problem I would wish on no one.
I have a picture of my deceased daughter on my desk next to pictures of my sons, which occasionally leads to awkward conversations, but I would rather have poignant and painful memories than to try to erase it all.
My wife will try to include a picture of her in current family photos, which always sounds weird to my friends—but I know exactly why my wife does it.
I hesitated to put a list of "ways you can help" since Eric (and his family!) might grieve differently, but I will say that each and every single item on this list I would have (and do) find helpful for my situation as well.
Source: I lost my 3 y/o daughter to cancer as well. It's every parents worst nightmare and the ensuing darkness that comes over you after losing a child has got to be the deepest sort of depression there is. I had an easier time going to war, losing friends, and re-integrating into society with severe PTSD than I did dealing with the first year after Layla died.
If you know the Meyers, please, just be a presence and let them draw off a little bit of emotional energy from time to time.