I've lost a daughter. I can't even begin to describe how traumatic it was, and I think losing her at 6 years instead of 5 months would only have been worse. My grandfather died shortly after my daughter and it wasn't even in the same galaxy. Losing a child sucks!
I don't know Eric, but I do know he's going to be going through an incredibly difficult period. My friends helped me out, but time and reflection helped much more. I was lucky to be in a situation where I could take an extended period to grieve.
I hope Eric and his family is able to wade through this all with the absolute minimum of additional pain, but nothing about it will be easy.
Eric, if you're reading this, hang in there... you'll never have your old life entirely back (and I say this with tears in my own eyes now), but time really can help heal over bad wounds.
I lost my 12.5 year old son to bone cancer April 2013. It does suck. I also lost my sister when she was 15 to brain cancer. My brother to suicide when he was 19.
Faith is incredibly important to me and making my life one that counts. Life is precious and we shouldn't take it for granted. We need to discover the fun in life and live for those around us.
It does get better but they are ever present and I am glad. But man it just SUCKS still all the same.
Theres nothing that anyone can say or do to make it "better" for the Meyers but if you know them, please reach out to them periodically over the next year or so and just let them talk. Whatever you do, don't say "if there's anything you need..." because everyone says that and most don't mean it and if they did they wouldn't expect you to ask for the help in the first place. In fact, you don't need to say anything. Just listen.
Source: I lost my 3 y/o daughter to cancer as well. It's every parents worst nightmare and the ensuing darkness that comes over you after losing a child has got to be the deepest sort of depression there is. I had an easier time going to war, losing friends, and re-integrating into society with severe PTSD than I did dealing with the first year after Layla died.
If you know the Meyers, please, just be a presence and let them draw off a little bit of emotional energy from time to time.
As someone who has also been through this I agree.
Do write to them even, if you struggle to find words.
Do tell them you are thinking of them. It does help.
Don't avoid mentioning Rebecca for fear of reminding them: there is 0% chance that they will have forgotten, even ten years from now. They need to know she hasn't been forgotten by the world, too. The occasional "Rebecca would have loved this" is perfect.
Don't whisper. Dead children aren't secrets.
Yes, you can laugh: there is still joy and all children are silly.
Never, ever grab them by the elbow and talk to them with you head tilted sideways (that drove me mad!).
Warning: I am constantly looking for any opportunity to mention my son and I am duty bound to include him an any headcount or history or whenever a new family face is born. If The Meyers do this, please try not to look shocked each time.
> Warning: I am constantly looking for any opportunity to mention my son and I am duty bound to include him an any headcount or history or whenever a new family face is born. If The Meyers do this, please try not to look shocked each time.
Yes, this is a huge point. Different families grieve differently, and how one properly memorializes their dead children is a problem I would wish on no one.
I have a picture of my deceased daughter on my desk next to pictures of my sons, which occasionally leads to awkward conversations, but I would rather have poignant and painful memories than to try to erase it all.
My wife will try to include a picture of her in current family photos, which always sounds weird to my friends—but I know exactly why my wife does it.
I hesitated to put a list of "ways you can help" since Eric (and his family!) might grieve differently, but I will say that each and every single item on this list I would have (and do) find helpful for my situation as well.
For those wondering Eric Meyer was one of the early advocates of modern web design techniques and CSS. He's also an established author and international speaker.
Using the Meyer CSS reset, I m his twitter follower for a long time. Since few months I'm working on my startup and thinking, crying for and praying for 'Little Spark' daily. His tweets were so meaninful. RIP
I thought meyerweb sounded familiar -- thanks. He had the most fantastic demos on his site which I studied while trying to understand CSS some 8-10 years ago. I'm saddened to hear this tragedy has happened to him and his family.
I have had http://meyerweb.com/eric/tools/dencoder/ bookmarked for god knows how long! Absolutely gut wrenching to read his blog/twitter feed. Hope you find the strength Eric.
In honor of this I wish people would post links to startups focused on eradicating cancer directly or indirectly. All too often we focus on the few startups doing something in a noisy consumer space and miss the hundreds toiling away at some noble goal. If you know of one please post a link so we can learn more about them and hopefully direct help their way.
How about less then 1% from American Cancer Society go to peds Research
How about 4% of Federal dollars for cancer research goes to peds cancer research
Vast majority of organizations give for the care and expenses BUT NOT to fund peds cancer research.
Good organizations: St Baldricks, Children's Cancer Research Foundation, Alex's Lemonade Stand, and other's if they state Research is a certain percentage if not it is pennies to the dollar.
I have seen this argument before: what you're missing is that pediatric cancer, terrible as it is, is far rarer than other cancer types.
Pediatric cancer is exceptionally rare. The ACS figures[1] for this year estimate 1,350 childhood cancer deaths out of 585,720 total deaths, or 0.2%. The prime driver for cancer research fund allocation is incidence rate. You are far more likely to develop cancer aged 20-40 than you are aged 0-20. 12% of all women will develop invasive breast cancer at some point in their lives.
I am not saying there isn't an argument for increasing pediatric cancer research: the question is whether a disease that has a very low incidence rate should get extra funding at the expense of a disease with a comparatively high one. I don't know the answer, and I don't pretend to. I do think cancer research funding is a very complicated matter, and inevitably one group of people is going to end up angry and upset at the expense of another.
BUT if you add in the years saved ped cancer equals lung cancer AND peds cancer research has directly helped adult cancer. It is the hardest to fight and once found it would directly help most adult diseases. Now adults get the meds and the research and then 5+ years later they will start a trial IF they can get funding.
20+ years ZERO new chemotherapy drugs introduced to pediatric cancer treatments. We can do better. TO bad the cancer that killed my son has more research spending for dogs then there is for adults and children of bone cancer. Priorities!
At Counsyl (counsyl.com) we're working hard to reduce the cost of cancer (and other inheritable disease) screening. We want to make screening fast, reliable, available, and most of all affordable.
This feels a bit like that time one Dan Weinreb's memorial turned into a networking event, but... Among the MassChallenge startups, the ones targeting cancer specifically are:
Oncolinx cancer therapies can target and destroy cancer cells, while sparing healthy tissues—effectively treating the cancer, virtually without any adverse side affects.
There are others that are more general than just cancer.
I used to say that but there are some promising anti-CD47 ideas that might have a chance of knocking out large swaths of tumors. I can also imagine a 'solution' where you biopsy the cancer and look for highly expressed abnormal cell surface markers and use that to target an antibody-directed warhead to the cancer (I'm interested in turning that into a reality sometime in the future, if you'd like to know more contact me, info's in the profile).
There's the SENS approach, which is radical and based on present knowledge will absolutely prevent all cancer by striking at the one mechanism that all cancer needs. That comes with a hefty side-order of required advances in stem cell medicine in order to keep things going without said mechanism, however:
The SENS Research Foundation is entirely supported by charitable donations.
If you want something a little less radical then helping any group working on targeted cell killing technologies is more useful than what you were probably going to do with that money otherwise - though of course finding a place to donate that will funnel your funds to this particular research is a challenge. The typical cancer charity is about five levels removed from picking research projects, but one can hope that this will change with the spread of crowdfunding techniques into the sciences. Immune therapies are the front runner technology there, but many other approaches exist (nanoparticles, viruses, bacteria, etc). Some of these approaches seem likely to effectively treat many different types of cancer, such as work on CD47:
Not sure why you got downvoted, it's a very valid comment.
The complexity of 'erasing cancer' is very much mis-understood, even though it is of course a noble goal.
The biggest issue I think is that cancer is systemic, given a long enough run the way our bodies do their housekeeping cancer is pretty much a 100% certainty. It's like playing the lottery, if you play long enough one day you'll win, only in this case you lose.
By far the larger part of the fatalities in my close circle were due to cancer. And I fear that this will remain with us as a problem for quite a while. Compared to curing cancer curing world hunger seems to be easy (it requires no unknown technology, nor does it go against the way our bodies appear to function).
> Not sure why you got downvoted, it's a very valid comment.
I think in retrospect that my normal dose of snark, even with the point I was trying to make, was probably not appropriate to the topic at hand. If nothing else it might seem flippant, and while I know that's not what I would mean, that doesn't mean people seeing the comment independently would realize that.
> The complexity of 'erasing cancer' is very much mis-understood, even though it is of course a noble goal.
If I had a do-over that's probably exactly how I would phrase it instead. Saying we should simply cure cancer, as it were always one massive public project away and just needed political will, just demonstrates an immature understanding of cancer research as it stands today.
Certainly it's a noble goal, but it's seemingly at odds with how biology works in a body in the long run.
I'm willing to take the rep hit...but I have to ask... there have been other threads that loss has been indicated...in all cases...it sucks...why is this one trending more than others?
this forum sees legacy individuals passing on, near by contributors passing on, and in instances like this one, a young life taken from us. i don't mean to be harsh or question, but given the community losses, i've seen long term contributors to technology relegated to the dustbin where stories like this are in the top couple for some time.
It all sucks, but the "dynamics" cause me concern.
Eric, bravely, was open enough to share his experiences about his daughter's illness. I think many, like me, have followed along in this heart braking journey and Eric's authentic words have captivated us.
As a person who has been greatly impacted by Eric Meyers technical work, I along with many others in the front end/ css community have been following his story over the last year. But many other people in the tech community have not.
The loss of a child is profound - and as you can see there are others here who have also gone through the loss of their child. The python programmer who lost a child might skip over all of the php posts here, but posts like this can let that person reach out the the Meyer family. The parents who posted on there loss, also are giving the rest of us valuable advice when we might not know what to do but would like to reach out.
When people who are older and have had full lives pass away, in general, as a community we know what to do. When children die, many times we are at a loss.
The other reason I would like to see posts like this remain high in the rankings - is because to outsiders - some people summarize the lot of programmers into the myopic no social skills bucket. This is generally incorrect - but if someone sees this, and it gives them from sending the "Dude when are you going to update your reset" tweet I think it is worth it.
That's an interesting question. I think there are a few factors. Meyer was one of the pioneers of modern web development (many people here have mentioned using his `reset.css`). Related to that, many people on HN are or were web developers, meaning that he has a built-in brand among that group. Lastly, he has been very public about his daughter's disease and his family's struggles with it. It's cliche to say that social media tends to be about self-promotion. His tweets and blog-posts on the other hand have been real, emotional, and sad. That's rare (and experimental), and his celebrity status within a population active on social media meant that many people not only knew about his daughter but actually became invested.
I'm one of three of my parents' children. My sister, the youngest, was killed at 16 July 31, 2013. My parents are devastated to this day, almost a year later.
Eric wrote, "I thought the stress of going from two to three kids was overwhelming, but it was nothing compared to the stress of going from three to two."
That's what my parents have been expressing throughout the past 10 months. My mother still says she has three children, so does my father, and I still--without skipping a beat--say that I have two sisters.
Eric, if you're reading this, I guess I'm just saying two things: 1) You're not the only one going through it, and you can feel free to reach out to someone who might be able to identify with you; 2) I encourage you to refer to your family as whole because of the impact your daughter made on your family's life as a unit.
Keep your head up, please. I truly, truly, truly feel for you.
* Losing a child is normality, it's just not modern, western, normality.
It's important not to dwell on the bad stuff. We are programmed to forget it and remember only the good stuff so while my memories have gotten lesser as the years have passed they have become better & more concentrated.
I've also learned to not ask "why me?" — and instead ask "why not me?". Most of history's parents have probably lost a child so the idea that "this isn't supposed to happen" seems a little selfish to me. All those cherubs painted on walls probably have real faces.
These days, I like to think that my boy was simply let into the big secret a little early.
This is what angers me about current tech companies. They spend billions of dollars and thousands of man hours to make sure I see ads that are relevant to me (why the @#$@ have they not figured out I have never clicked on one?) I've got a glorified taxi cab service that I can order from my phone (omg!) and will be here in 5 minutes. My phone just notified me that my friend took a pictures. All while a gov that spends unknown billions monitoring all of these rather useless, non-quality of life enhancing companies.
Imagine what we could accomplish if capital/compute/mindpower resources were reallocated from showing me ads to solving something I cared about. Can we not have another cab/delivery/ad/food delivery/message/social text/video/short video/music network?
My deepest condolences to the Meyer family, I can't begin to fathom the pain and loss you must feel.
I've been following his blog through the entirety of his daughter's trials and tribulations, and I've come close to tears pretty much every time I read a post in-depth.
I can't even begin to reach the level of empathy and sympathy required to do Eric justice, but all I can say is sorry. I don't even know him that well but I feel like he's done so much for my career as a front-end developer that it just pains me as someone who is such a beacon for web gets such a tragic turn of events, probably the worst any parent could go through.
Requiem Aeternam dona eis, Domine, et lux perpetua luceat eis. Requiescant in pace. Amen.
I'm sorry to hear of the loss. I took care of a dying child for several months some years ago; he finally passed away while I was holding his hands one day, as the mission bells struck noon - 14th of September, 2007. My heart ached and ached, even though he was not my own. How much more so a parent. I will be praying for the family.
Is this date actually correct? Perhaps trivial in the big scheme of things I suppose, but for me the additional karmic insult of her dying on her birthday, I think that might drive me over the edge.
He hadn't mentioned her birthday until yesterday morning. At first I thought it would be heartbreaking to lose your daughter on her birthday. They should have spent the day celebrating. But I thought about it a bit more—the loss of their daughter will always be especially hard on both her birthday and the anniversary of her death. Maybe having the two share a day will actually make it a bit easier to bear.
It's interesting that you see it that way.
In some religions (Judaism included, which based on the third line of his website, I'm assuming he somewhat ascribes to) dying on one's birthday is considered to be a sign that you lived a full life (Moses is said to have died on his birthday)- something like you've lived all the years allotted to you, small comfort to those that lost you when that's only 6.00125 years.
Halfway through the post, I had to stop reading. This is so heart breaking. As a parent, you start feeling guilty of being helpless when your child is suffering. May God give strength to the family in these tough times.
This heartbreaking. My deepest sympathy to him and his family. As a parent, I can't even imagine such a loss or how I would even cope with such a situation.
lets honor and mourn the death of those who we do not know personally but are related to well known public figures = pretty stupid in my eyes. feel good kind of crap.
I don't know Eric, but I do know he's going to be going through an incredibly difficult period. My friends helped me out, but time and reflection helped much more. I was lucky to be in a situation where I could take an extended period to grieve.
I hope Eric and his family is able to wade through this all with the absolute minimum of additional pain, but nothing about it will be easy.
Eric, if you're reading this, hang in there... you'll never have your old life entirely back (and I say this with tears in my own eyes now), but time really can help heal over bad wounds.