If I lived in a village of a few hundred people I could be satisfied that my spouse was the best match I could possibly hope for, right? Say half the village is men, then a quarter is too young or too old, then there's just a handful who fall in my range of economic status and attractiveness, and I could be as happy as one could hope with any of them.
I live within reasonable driving distance of probably a literal thousand other people in my age range and of similar attractiveness to me. Whoever I stick with, someone else will be better in one way and worse in another. There might be a hundred dimensions on which to measure someone. Hence my current vacation from monogamy.
I think love, as in the feeling of limerence, obsession, desire to be with someone, desire to "get" something from somebody attractive, is easy to cultivate and always has been. I love someone who said she "falls in love with anyone who makes eye contact with her long enough". Ironically, her definition of love doesn't include texting me every month.
But love as in, doing hard marriage shit for decades until one of you outlives the other... I thought I felt that when I was first with my ex-spouse, now I believe I may be happier if I never feel that.
If I lived in a village of a few hundred people I could be satisfied that my spouse was the best match I could possibly hope for, right? Say half the village is men, then a quarter is too young or too old, then there's just a handful who fall in my range of economic status and attractiveness, and I could be as happy as one could hope with any of them.
I live within reasonable driving distance of probably a literal thousand other people in my age range and of similar attractiveness to me. Whoever I stick with, someone else will be better in one way and worse in another. There might be a hundred dimensions on which to measure someone. Hence my current vacation from monogamy.
I think love, as in the feeling of limerence, obsession, desire to be with someone, desire to "get" something from somebody attractive, is easy to cultivate and always has been. I love someone who said she "falls in love with anyone who makes eye contact with her long enough". Ironically, her definition of love doesn't include texting me every month.
But love as in, doing hard marriage shit for decades until one of you outlives the other... I thought I felt that when I was first with my ex-spouse, now I believe I may be happier if I never feel that.