> Judaism calls for a period of intense mourning known as shiva that lasts seven days after a loved one is buried.
It's strange to me to prescribe how long people should mourn. Some people are appalled when someone seems to get over someone quickly after they've died. But if they are truly not sad about it any more, I say good for them. What does it help the deceased for the living to be sad over them?
Judaism does not require that a person be sad (or not sad) during that time. A person's emotions are what they are.
The mourning time is about actions, yes. But it's more about community. During the shiva a person does not work, and (if they want it) will receive many many visits from members of the community (even people they do not know personally). They can receive those visitors however they want, just as someone to talk to, people who can help, or simply as expressions of support.
People visiting someone during shiva are advised not to talk, but rather to listen. Or even simply to just be there without saying anything. If the mourner wants to talk they will, and if not they won't.
This type of community support is one of the ways Judaism has lasted so long in the face of so much persecution.
Here in Panama we have the traditional catholic funeral rituals (which are rarely practiced by the urban population). Part of this are the "nine nights" where the family of the deceased hosts long hours (mostly during the day) of prayer repetitions (velorio) for nine days. Friends and extended family come to visit, and they may choose to participate in the prayers. The guests are received with coffee, fresh cheese and a especial kind of bread. After the ninth night, some mourners choose to continue dressing with neutral colors for months.
As you mentioned, this is mostly about community support.
Often people who have lost close ones feel overwhelmed by all sorts of emotions, including guilt - whether over mourning too much or mourning too little. "Is it ok that I'm still grieving? Should I still be expressing this grief to people I meet? Do people expect that I should be moving on now? Am I moving on too soon?"
By declaring the length of the mourning period, religion does there one of the things it does best: give us a sense of ritual and assuage potential guilt at those very important moments in life: yes, it's ok to still be mourning. Yes, it's ok to move on now.
These are not mandates. They're not marching orders. They're a guideline so you don't have to add guilt about mourning too much or too little to what is already a crushing amount of sorrow.
Depends on how observant you are, in Judaism, it is mandates / marching orders.
The "shiv'a" (literally, "seven") is a lot more than just the mourning period - it is also the period when others are required to come and comfort the mourners. It also officially stops if a holiday happens to fall inside it - thus, it might last as little as half a day, at which Judaism tells you: "It's time to stop mourning". (with the implied statement that the deceased has semi-saint status, and that's why you don't need to mourn as long).
It's not uncommon for people to mourn longer than specified (e.g., the whole 7 days even though there's a holiday that should have terminated it) and for other people to be critical of them for disobeying the letter of the "law"
I don't think it's about reducing guilt; It's about establishing something that's easy to follow for people whose world just collapsed. Guilt management is, perhaps, a small part of that.
During the whole following year (if mourning a parent; 3 months if mourning your child, one month mourning a spouse or a sibling), the mourners are instructed to not enjoy - modern interpretation is to not see movies, shows, attend weddings, etc. I think it's about mourning etiquette much more than it is about guilt.
Religion is a pretty complex thing. I totally agree that christianity tends to be, as Alan Watts described it, "institutionalised guilt"... but that's just one dimension of it. Religion is a huge topic. It's many things to many people. It's never helpful to intelligent conversation to reduce a big thing to a single axis.
I think it's not a bad idea. If something on this catastrophic level happens, you're going to be unprepared. If you have a societal framework of how to go about your grief, I can imagine it will help some. It won't make anything better but it might provide something to hold on to when the hour is darkest.
It's strange to me to prescribe how long people should mourn. Some people are appalled when someone seems to get over someone quickly after they've died. But if they are truly not sad about it any more, I say good for them. What does it help the deceased for the living to be sad over them?