thx for writing this and to all the advices on the comments. can't say how much i can relate to what you feel. i'm younger than you at 24, definitely not one of these hot-shot young dev. i have no any geek creds whatsoever, empty github profile, no shiny personal website, no stackoverflow rep, nothing. countless time i've tried to spend my free time working on some side project although i know i don't actually enjoy doing it. in the end i end up doing almost nothing. every start of the week i feel very grumpy thinking about how much time i have wasted on the weekend.

i also like to compare myself to what others around my age have achieved and i would set silly target for myself ('if they achieve that at the age of x, i will surely achieve that as well when i turn x'). i know this is toxic mindset, but i just cant get rid of it. i'm currently working in a very promising startup now. i know i should be grateful with what i have right now but i can't help thinking how little i have achieved and how i can get kicked out easily once new bright young devs come in.

this couple of week, i'm starting to come to terms with myself, rethinking my life goals and cutting off the unrealistic ones. i'm still mentally exhausted though and currently contemplating of taking sabbatical break just to try to enjoy life again. hope that you too will find your solace and i wish you all the best for your new project.

ps: not sure about this, but i always assume that my problem will solve itself if i can get a girlfriend. it will be great to have someone by your side that support and acknowledge you. it also helps you to think less about yourself as you shift your focus and attention to her. i'm not so lucky to have one though...