Hmm. So maybe, within the bowels of listservs and whitepaper archives, we hide a secret repository of slick, sexy marketing pdfs that engineers can print, cover in a shiny plastic folder, and strategically deploy as a measure of last resort.
Or just work to make developer<->management communications more effective.
I think you've captured the absurdity of the scenario quite well. Unfortunately, I don't have quite the poker face to pull off a claim like "developer <-> management communications aren't absurd".
To be slightly more fair: it's pretty easy to think "if solving this problem was really important, it would already have a budget, like how hurricanes get disaster relief". And so spending $100 on a logo helps people not dismiss the urgency.
This whole situation is not amazing. But an emergency isn't the time to start working on developer <-> management communication problems -- at that point, whatever gets the job done is great.
Or just work to make developer<->management communications more effective.