Yeah yeah, satire. However I think it is important to be clear that "bitcoin" in the US is not "unregulated". There is a reason so many people were using an obviously fly-by-night exchange based out of Japan instead of an exchange based out of the US. That reason is regulation. Just because the laws don't explicitly mention the string "bitcoin" doesn't mean that anything done with bitcoin is untouchable by the law.

The aspect of bitcoin that is "unregulated" by the US government (meaning "not controlled by" the US government) is the production of bitcoin. In that respect, you can think of bitcoin as similar to a bog-standard foreign currency (which the US does not control the production of).