My career has taken place entirely in startups, some of which I started, all of which were extremely demanding. I'm married and we have two kids.
I'm somewhere between this guy and 37signals on this issue. You can work 100 hour weeks. You can work 4-day weeks. You can travel all the time. You can not travel at all. I know people who've been successful on both paths.
I look back at what I've done so far, and the biggest success I was involved with (Secure Networks, probably) wasn't amazing because everyone killed themselves working for it. It was amazing because (1) everyone loved what they were working on, (2) there was an esprit de corps and extremely talented leadership, and (3) we managed to be aimed at the right market. I worked late nights --- but from home, and not all the time. 100 hour work weeks wouldn't have improved our outcome.
Another success I was involved with was an ISP (EnterAct) in Chicago (I was the first technical employee). Again, we worked hard, there were long nights, but it wasn't a 100-hour commitment. The big thing I remember about EnterAct was that the founders had families, and the families were regulars in the office. I knew their names. They had dinners and parties. You can address the absentee spouse problem by creating a culture that is inclusive of families. That's something we've lost in our transactional build-to-flip company culture, but it's not hard to recover.
Finally, in my current company, I've hit on my favorite answer to this question yet. Erin is a full-time employee of the company. We took the time to bring her up to speed with the actual hardcore technical work that we do. We've done billable projects together, she's worked on product dev, and she can switch hit for a lot of the work I'd do. Meanwhile, we share (mostly) the child care and household stuff. It's been a huge win for the company as well, for obvious reasons; it's like having another person who's as committed as a founder.
I think when you're 22, you can tell yourself a lot of horseshit about whether work or life is more important to you. I know I did. Thankfully, my wife forgave me (hey, I was young(er) and stupid(er)) and I came to my senses. I think this article's author thinks the same thing, and I'm betting he'll say something similar in his next argument.
"100 hour work weeks wouldn't have improved our outcome."
Thanks for pointing this out. I don't see any problem with those who want to work 100 hour weeks but do get tired of the false reasons people have for doing it. It isn't because you HAVE to, it's because you WANT to.
More than 50% of marriages end in divorce. Back in the day my grandparents stayed married even though my grandpa was at sea for 3 years. It seems like you're likely to get divorced even if you don't work that hard. Or stay together in even less ideal circumstances.
The other thing is that this guy talks about his startups, but they weren't his startups. They were someone else's startups. He only founded the last one. If you work 100 hours a week for someone else and are not bringing in a million plus per year, your wife is going to think you are a chump, because you are.
If you work 100 hours a week for someone else and are not bringing in a million plus per year, your wife is going to think you are a chump, because you are.
How many people like this exist in silicon valley? a lot. wall street as well. and more and more, "traditional" corporate america as well.
edit: i meant to add that i think it's a poignant, alarming, and relevant statement.
Alarming? If you're working 100 hours a week, you can't do anything else, and need someone else to take care of everything around the house for you, because you are spending all of your waking hours at work. This will destroy your relationships in a short period of time. Furthermore, this will unquestionably reduce your life expectancy. It takes a hell of a lot of money to compensate for even a few years in that situation.
Note: I'm not talking about working 60 hour weeks, which is very taxing, but nothing like this. 100 Hour weeks mean that there are no weekends, ever. You're working 14.25 hours per day, which is just enough to wake up, drive to work, eat your meals, come home, and sleep, day after day, with no respite.
Thanks for posting. There's a lot of advice from experienced entrepreneurs that makes it onto this site, but I don't enjoy reading any of it as much as I enjoy Steve's stories.
There's so many bloggers out there who just seem to want to lecture you on the right way to run a business, and it gets really tiresome.
But when I read this guy's writing, it reminds of me why I wanted to work in this area in the first place: cause it's fun!
When I'm on my deathbed, what will I regret? Will I regret not working that weekend? Will I regret being moderately, instead of ridiculously successful? Will I regret a piece of software being "good enough"?
Or will I regret missing my kid's birthday? Will I regret not spending that weekend at the park watching the smiles on my family's faces? Will I regret not spending some quiet time with my wife?
The answers to me are simple and the comparison is easy.
But why design your life based on how happy you estimate you'll be on your very last day(s) alive? Isn't it more effective to maximize current happiness?
Because often, being in the now clouds your reasoning. It's the same reason you set goals and make investments; deferring instant pleasure will result in greater payment later, but you only understand this by looking at the sum of all parts.
By introducing the "deathbed" one assumes that the most important things to that individual come into focus. If I didn't have a family, I'd have different deathbed priorities, but that is not the case. If my greatest desire in life was to win a Nobel prize, I would probably make choices favouring that outcome.
I'm not saying one is better than the other, just that for most people, their families (especially kids) will be more important to them than any professional or individual achievement. In the daily grind that is life, we have a tenancy to forget this. Focusing on the sum of a life brings things back into perspective.
My father-in-law who toiled in the valley for many a year told me: "all those projects I worked late nights and weekends on -- they're all in landfills now".
Great article, I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years last week and me being ultra-focused on my start-up was a big cause. I'm pretty sure relationships and start-ups don't mix even if you are older and wiser.
It's all about communication, expectations, priorities etc. Usual relationship stuff.
As long as you're on the same page, everything mixes fine.
There's nothing particularly unique about startups either. Lots of professions call for enormous dedication and periods of complete emersion in a project for some time.
What's different about startups is that the demands are unpredictable. A couple can steel itself for law school. And lots of marriages do break up over medical careers.
Academia is worse than startup-land for relationships because it's almost certain that you are going to have to move around a lot, and quite possibly to a college town in the middle of nowhere. Startups you don't really have to move, and even if you do, most of the places you would be moving to are pretty nice.
What about sports though? For example football players transferring teams, suddenly being apart from their families, having to train in quick bursts, suddenly being in the playoffs/world cup/etc.
Seems very unpredictable to me. Plenty of other professions that are like that, I'd expect Musician, Actor, Artist to be pretty unpredictable/high stress.
Pro athletes make enough money to alleviate most of the issues that their lifestyle brings about. Plus, they are pro athletes. Yet they still get divorced. And sometimes they don't. Musicians, actors and artists get divorced all the time. Or not.
Artists on the other hand never make any money, they are busy all the time, and have a very predictable lifestyle (always broke, always working). They usually get dumped because their SO wants to live in an apartment that has its own bathroom and shower.
In every interesting profession, your professional life eats into your personal life.
Imagine being an astronaut and telling your wife you need to be away for a few months and that you have to train extra hours.
If your career is interesting enough and eats up your personal time, it probably is ok with your spouse.
However, be a truck driver and try explaining your spouse why you need to be away 4 days of the week.
It's certainly a challenge to balance the two, but from what I've seen there is a large range of workable tradeoffs. We all want to validate the particular tradeoff we've chosen, but ultimately the way you go is a question of your own values, not something inherent to the challenge.
Older and wiser though is exactly that. Never underestimate how different you and your significant other will be in 10 years.
You will make different choices and have different expectations. For many of those that aren't able to think "investment" at 22, there will be a sudden realization at 32.
I am currently going through a divorce. But my work is only peripherally involved (I am the one asking for the divorce).
I am not going to claim to know the balance. Sometimes I think it is impossible. As the father of 4 kids I constantly struggle to become both a better entrepreneur and a better father. The problem is effectiveness, not time.
I am constantly struggling to make my time more effective, which may just be a side effect of multi-tasking.
Great article and interesting perspective. I think the best counter to Steve's opinions can be found in the book The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. It is just a truism of life that if you are a man, your work must be the most important thing in your life and to be truly fulfilled you "must pursue your truth and give your gift to the world". Steve Pavlina has also stated this here:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/05/how-to-be-a-man/
If your wife or gf is the most important thing in your life, you are weak willed and are deceiving yourself. Believe it or not, your wife or gf doesn't want to be the most important thing your life!
Honestly, if you are married for 7 years and have no kids yet there is something wrong with the relationship. Money, time, and other things are just excuses the real reason is something missing in the relationship.
He mentions children in his article so it is my assumption that if children are a maybe, but have not been 'created' after 7 years it feels a little off to me.
Very true some couples do not want to have children and I wouldn't suggest forcing children onto a person who thinks that would be the worst thing in the world.
I'm somewhere between this guy and 37signals on this issue. You can work 100 hour weeks. You can work 4-day weeks. You can travel all the time. You can not travel at all. I know people who've been successful on both paths.
I look back at what I've done so far, and the biggest success I was involved with (Secure Networks, probably) wasn't amazing because everyone killed themselves working for it. It was amazing because (1) everyone loved what they were working on, (2) there was an esprit de corps and extremely talented leadership, and (3) we managed to be aimed at the right market. I worked late nights --- but from home, and not all the time. 100 hour work weeks wouldn't have improved our outcome.
Another success I was involved with was an ISP (EnterAct) in Chicago (I was the first technical employee). Again, we worked hard, there were long nights, but it wasn't a 100-hour commitment. The big thing I remember about EnterAct was that the founders had families, and the families were regulars in the office. I knew their names. They had dinners and parties. You can address the absentee spouse problem by creating a culture that is inclusive of families. That's something we've lost in our transactional build-to-flip company culture, but it's not hard to recover.
Finally, in my current company, I've hit on my favorite answer to this question yet. Erin is a full-time employee of the company. We took the time to bring her up to speed with the actual hardcore technical work that we do. We've done billable projects together, she's worked on product dev, and she can switch hit for a lot of the work I'd do. Meanwhile, we share (mostly) the child care and household stuff. It's been a huge win for the company as well, for obvious reasons; it's like having another person who's as committed as a founder.
I think when you're 22, you can tell yourself a lot of horseshit about whether work or life is more important to you. I know I did. Thankfully, my wife forgave me (hey, I was young(er) and stupid(er)) and I came to my senses. I think this article's author thinks the same thing, and I'm betting he'll say something similar in his next argument.
Just some random thoughts.