Great write up, I really want to learn what the next chapter brings.
Ultimately, living an authentic life is the only thing that ends up mattering. There are many ways to do this, and you don't have to make grand moves to get there, although it can certainly help.
A think a lot of academically gifted folks ultimately can have this problem... you become so focused on what you DO you forget that you're a Human BEING not a Human DOING. (props to my friend who gave me that one)
I've never understood what it means to live an "authentic" life. I really wish I did, because it sounds nice.
Is it slowing down to enjoy life? Is it finding the things that make you happy and pursuing them? Is it doing what your inner voice tells you to do?
Maybe my inner voice is more confused than most, because mine is simultaneously telling me to get a degree and to drop out of college, to start a company in the hopes of being wildly successful and to find a nice, stable job somewhere so I can spend my free time relaxing.
If you haven't even finished college then you don't have enough data to work from. Keep listening to the voice, but be prepared to be confused a lot in your 20s. That's normal.
That's part of the problem, living an authentic life is an entirely internal process. People end up paying attention to the external things of what this "seems" to mean, and how people got there.
But an authentic life is doing things that accomplish your values in life. A lot of living like this is wanting to communicate in a clear and "authentic" way so you end up with little communities of this stuff.
As for your problem - the problem is you don't really know what your values are in life. You are letting external requirements drive what you are doing, and you aren't thinking strategically, or agent-y.
I'd suggest checking out the book "Focusing". You will be able to help yourself a lot better after you learn how to what the book describes. Also consider http://rationality.org as well
Ultimately, living an authentic life is the only thing that ends up mattering. There are many ways to do this, and you don't have to make grand moves to get there, although it can certainly help.
A think a lot of academically gifted folks ultimately can have this problem... you become so focused on what you DO you forget that you're a Human BEING not a Human DOING. (props to my friend who gave me that one)