OR you could try a simple "excuse me" first. I try reserve the unprovoked belligerence for Plan B, but I guess I'm just classy like that.

Yeah, she tried that.

Assuming she doesn't have a glass and a fork, or a convenient lightswitch... I might suggest knocking loudly on the table before mentioning crack pipes. But I can't really fault her for missing out that step.

That is a great idea.

Well, a more neutral response is always better if you are being ignored. Even if you have to stand on the table, then yell, "TIME OUT EVERYONE", then proceed.