I know several people who expressed a wish not to have a funeral. Sometimes this wish stems from a desire not to be an inconvenience, or a sense of guilt or shame that one's life was not well-lived. Sometimes, simply the view that funerals don't matter, so why bother.
In every case, I think this desire is mistaken. The need to mourn the dead is an instinct older than our species itself, and in dismissing it we wound the people closest to us.
If you're the sort of person to whom the idea of skipping your own funeral sounds tempting, I kindly ask you for the sake of your loved ones that you reconsider.
Yes, agreed. My dad said he didn't want a wake or funeral---I think he didn't want to put anyone out---but we overruled him, because the services weren't for him. Once he thought about that, he agreed (and gave some input on their planning, which was interesting). In the end it brought together a lot of people who hadn't seen each other in a very long time, which I appreciated, and I got to hear some stories I'd never heard before, which I also appreciated, and it made the whole process just feel a lot easier to deal with.
I (politely) disagree. My father did not wish a funeral, and, per his wishes, we did not hold one for him.
And honestly, standing at his gravesite paying my respects, I do not have the painful memories that I had with my mother's funeral, trying to organize, trying to handle everyone and everything, and not being able to grieve in the way that I wanted until long after. Instead, I am able to simply talk to him, and not have such a frustrating coda.
They say that funerals are for the living. Sure. But going to funerals of loved ones has never made me feel better in the long run compared to more private goodbyes, and I am not the only one to feel this way.
I am in this camp. I have been to the funerals of loved ones and once helped arrange one for a close family member. It was a very stressful affair.
But I also recognize that other people got more out of it than did I. They cried and hugged and shared memories. That experience I am assuming was very valuable to them. But not to me. I was stressed the entire time. The lesson I learned was that funerals are valuable to some while not others.
I don't think a significant number of people have ever written a will that actively prevented a funeral. A funeral doesn't require the deceased. It's fine to skip it.
I know several people who expressed a wish not to have a funeral. Sometimes this wish stems from a desire not to be an inconvenience, or a sense of guilt or shame that one's life was not well-lived. Sometimes, simply the view that funerals don't matter, so why bother.
In every case, I think this desire is mistaken. The need to mourn the dead is an instinct older than our species itself, and in dismissing it we wound the people closest to us.
If you're the sort of person to whom the idea of skipping your own funeral sounds tempting, I kindly ask you for the sake of your loved ones that you reconsider.