>The former makes people much much much closer and the bonds much stronger. Anyone who’s lived in such an environment can attest to this.
I lived in this kind of kind of setup in school. And with all respect, no. Not even close.
My lived experience was that of someone that was the target of said groups to bond over bullying. The verbal abuse I could take. The spitting on my face, the punches to my gut that left me bruised for days on end, fine. No permanent damage.
But I had my throat strangled more times then I want to remember; hands, wires, cords, rope cutting the air off from my lungs and seeing the gray take over my vision. Blacking out over and over again as they derived whatever joy that they took in having my body slump still between their fingers.
And that was every moment I of my existence. No escape. No safety. No relief. I just had to endure and bear it, because what other choice was there? Who was going to help? Who'd believe the word of the wierdo over that of the model students? And they for their part, insist that that what they did was nothing wrong. I didn't die or was maimed, ergo, no foul.
Maybe what you describe is great if you're part of the in group, and if so, great! Go and live in these arrangements then. But what you describe is a living hell for the people that become the target of torment for those groups where no where to run.
As dark as it is, your experience confirms my theory. A group of bullies bonded enough to inflict violence. That level of bond is extremely strong, however dark.
Battle, combat, bullying and tribal warfare are all outcomes when different group forming strong bonds. It's a part of human nature.
You're right if you are part of the group, that's the ideal. But if you're the target of said group it's better to be not allow these groups to even be formed so you can't be a target period.
That being said what you describe is less likely to happen in adult communities because the stakes are higher. When I was younger I was bullied too. I think what ended up happening is that I returned to school and smashed my bullies face in with a bat and if that wasn't going to end it I was going to knife him from behind. The bat was enough and he stopped bullying me, which was the smart thing to do because the hatred and rage I was feeling probably would've ended his life and ruined my own as well.
Once the stakes were higher everyone stops that bullying thing and that's basically what the adult world becomes. Higher stakes, jail time and actual assets and resources can be lost without mom and pop defending you once you're an adult. I understand you have trauma... but I think what happened to us as children no longer applies in the adult world.
In the adult world war behavior like this becomes actual murder and war. So I'm not saying tribal warfare doesn't exists as adults. I'm more referring to say where I live (an average US suburb in CA) where this kind of behavior will only happen to kids.
I'm agreeing with you for the most part. I just want to be far away from your ideal world because ultimately speaking people like me are the ones that exploited. It really sucks to be one the wrong side.
>Once the stakes were higher everyone stops that bullying thing and that's basically what the adult world becomes. Higher stakes, jail time and actual assets and resources can be lost without mom and pop defending you once you're an adult. I understand you have trauma... but I think what happened to us as children no longer applies in the adult world.
I disagree; you're thinking in terms of me being a random victim.
My bullies were quite cognizant of the consequences if they were caught. Alibis were often discussed, and they always made sure to pick locations that where unlikely to be interrupted or observed. But I think they picked me also because most importantly they knew that I was likely to keep silent. Coupled with a criminal justice system that has both hands tied and clogged with far more pressing matters, and an institution that have weigh the reputational damage vs trying to help and well...
And there in lies the rub. So long as the group either picks the victims carefully, they can keep going on. People's nature don't change all that much even as they mature IME. Just that thy get smarter and more careful about getting what they want.
I lived in this kind of kind of setup in school. And with all respect, no. Not even close.
My lived experience was that of someone that was the target of said groups to bond over bullying. The verbal abuse I could take. The spitting on my face, the punches to my gut that left me bruised for days on end, fine. No permanent damage.
But I had my throat strangled more times then I want to remember; hands, wires, cords, rope cutting the air off from my lungs and seeing the gray take over my vision. Blacking out over and over again as they derived whatever joy that they took in having my body slump still between their fingers.
And that was every moment I of my existence. No escape. No safety. No relief. I just had to endure and bear it, because what other choice was there? Who was going to help? Who'd believe the word of the wierdo over that of the model students? And they for their part, insist that that what they did was nothing wrong. I didn't die or was maimed, ergo, no foul.
Maybe what you describe is great if you're part of the in group, and if so, great! Go and live in these arrangements then. But what you describe is a living hell for the people that become the target of torment for those groups where no where to run.