One of the ways that we learn is "do X -> reward" and "don't do X -> no reward". But this is only training us one way - a positive way - about what is desirable.
How do you learn what is not desirable. "Don't touch the oven when its on" is something that you learn through "do Y -> punishment" ... but is there a "don't do Y -> reward" path that can be found? Is there a way to positively train the "don't do Y" paths?
A mother says to her son "don't forget to sweep the corners." The son replies "don't worry, I swept everything into the corner."
You are rewarded for laughing at that joke. Why? Because it is something that you shouldn't do. In this joke, we have expressed an undesirable state to be able to learn from in a rewarding way rather than a punishing way.
And somewhere, long ago, I recall a web page that had a short summary of each theory of humor and a joke that was not funny according to that theory. I doubt there will ever be a Grand Unified Theory of Humor.
Are there theories of humor that don't boil down to "setup expectation juxtaposed with punchline reality"? If there was ever a grand unified theory of humor, that would be my guess.
This would likely fall under the Incongruity Theory of humor where the mismatch of expectation and actual result with the punchline.
There's a song that I find rather funny. This is to be sung to the tune of M*A*S*H's theme.
Through the upturned glass I see
a modified reality--
which proves pure reason kant critique
that beer reveals das ding an sich--
(das ding an sich is Thing-in-itself which is the philosophical statement that things are what they are independent of observations).
Consider this video https://youtu.be/rUibuIDNANg - is it funny? If so, why? Would "laughing at the misfortune of others" be a better explanation than "setup of expectations and punchline?"
Or consider some of the many PBF Comics. Consider https://pbfcomics.com/comics/nude-beach/ (NSFWish - there are nipples). This falls more into the "sneaking past the censors of taboo" classification.
https://pbfcomics.com/comics/battleship/ (this one is safe for work) also doesn't fall into the "setup expectation" since, what is the expectation of a rat and a bat playing battleship? If it is "the first frame is funny because of incongruity - then why is the third frame funny?" Would https://pbfcomics.com/comics/sir-leopold/ be better described with relief theory?
I suspect that a selection of PBF comics would be an excellent test of "pick which theory of humor best describes {comic} and why" for a philosophy class. Is it relief? misfortune of others? benign violation?
We've all got different ways of handling it so the best we can hope for is some mutual compassion and thoughtfulness. One factor in that is to realize that the effect is more relevant than the intention.
> Trying to avoid hurting anyone turns you into a person who would hurt everyone.
Other than the citation needed, it is possible to avoid hurting _some_ people, with surprisingly minimal effort, even if you can never avoid hurting anyone ever.
The black-and-white argument you've presented - in its many forms of "if 100% outcome is not possible, it's worth 0% effort" - exists purely to absolve people of the responsibility to try.
Eh, I wouldn't go that far. The key to sensitive jokes is to know your audience. Throwing one out into a public forum isn't very likely to land, but in the right situation it might cheer up a person who is suffering from the very topic at hand.
The structure and phrasing work to tickle the part of my mind that enjoys juxtaposition, though, so that was nice at least.