This oddly enough has been quite a big issue in my life as of lately.

I need to get off my ass and start working towards better things in real life in order to (potentially) better my situation e.g. new job, better hobbies, etc..

However, I have always had issues with gaming on and off throughout my life (perhaps a lot more on than off). I seriously think that a lot of my issues with gaming is that games are preferential to life in many regards. In a game, I know if I work hard and follow the steps/guides/quests, then I will be rewarded. Goals are obtainable in that if I fail to achieve them it is my fault -- because I did something incorrectly.

Sadly, when I take breaks from gaming, I am not a productivity machine. I just find something else to waste the time with.

In the back of my mind, I want to believe that if I work hard and better my situation, then will finally be rewarded. But I have worked hard to get where I am, and I am still awaiting the reward, so to speak.

So, I think a part of my brain has taken the shortcut to destroy my motivation because I know that Sisyphus isn't the only one rolling the boulder up the hill thinking, "maybe this time will be different?"

Try recording yourself playing video games. You will quickly snap out of the illusion and realize that you're passing through life staring at a screen.

This is funny considering the whole streaming ecosystem. You might be out of touch.

I am also a software engineer, so wouldn't this still be true for my work?

I had an unhealthy comfort meal that I couldn't kick. I filmed myself eating it and was disgusted by the sight of myself. That worked. I still eat it sometimes but in much smaller portions and not nearly as often.

Yes this is the exact effect I am aiming for. There's just something about watching yourself from a different perspective that lets you have fresh judgment on it as if it were a different person.

But you won't be rewarded? It's a game and has no bearing on your real life, I don't follow this train of thought at all.

I perhaps did not explain myself well.

The areas I want to improve in my life mainly pertain to my career. I believe it is important to note that I am not a Type-A, career focused, go-getter kind of person.

I am a developer like mainly others on this site. I am also quite unfulfilled and unsatisfied in my current position. I am grateful to be employed, but when I describe my position to others, I am generally met with a response like, "Run! Now, and never look back."

So, in order for me to get out of my current position, I am going to have to put in a lot of work in my free time. That's not necessarily a bad thing, of course. However, say I land a new job due to my efforts. I seriously do not think it will be fulfilling nor increase my happiness in the grand scheme of life. I seriously think where ever I end up will be a different round of the same "game" with different players, so to speak.

I do not feel that my motivation to change comes from some internal burning passion, but rather some obligatory "should" feeling i.e. I should find a better job, I should study <insert topic>, I should work out more, etc..

Though, you are right -- gaming has no bearing on my real life. The rewards from any game are, more or less, fruitless. Though, I guess my point is that real life is pretty damn fruitless too. If anything life just feels like chasing a carrot hanging from a stick. I have lived my entire life with this concept of an ever moving delayed gratification. There is no end to the real life grind, no clear guaranteed steps on how to progress, no checkpoints, no redos, etc.. Seriously, what am I missing? What I am grinding for?

The hardest part of life is to reward the process over the outcomes. Videogames don't have that constraint.

But when you succeed in the game, then what? Yes, the real world is full of endless trials and never a payout. But the entire point is that there is no point. The fun is in the journey. The real treasure is the friends you make along the way, to quote the meme.

Yes but isnt the suffering and occasional ecstatic wins the whole point. Learn to enjoy this journey.

I think you may be confusing what is providing the payout. There is not a single game I’ve played that payed me money that also had a well defined path to success. Gambling any simple game is a near gauranteed loss of money. Poker can payout, but it’s a truly grindy game, and one bad night can wipeout months of grinding. Blackjack can have positive expected value, but good luck successfully counting cards for more than a couple hours without getting permabanned. So what game are you playing that provides payout that isn’t based mostly on dopamine that is provided by you in the real world? And if it’s just numbers go brr that is the payout, you can always buy a counter and watch those numbers go up. In fact, you might be able to train yourself to get a hit of dopamine if you get a clicking counter that goes up when you click it…

Still, it sounds like you may be in a bad place, and my heart goes out to you. Hang in there. Life doesn’t always get better, but seasons change, and this too will pass.