There's a hack that solves "the problem" in general: "non-judgment".
We get so inculcated with comparing, contrasting, thinking about "better", "not as good as", "worse" ... it's THE recipe for all manner of negative psychological states, emotions, etc. There are basic biological drives, of course, but both implicitly and explicitly we are taught minute-by-minute, starting from not long after birth, to JUDGE EVERYTHING. Parents - "good/bad boy / girl", school - grades / social status / toys, work - "star employee / slacker" ... It's a set up for every imaginary "treadmill" that exists - consumer, achievement, etc.
All illusory.
It takes some conscious work / effort, to undo. But, I found, ultimately, that I was able to undo a hell of a lot of that crap in a shorter time than I expected. Several weeks worth of work with Jon Kabat-Zinn's 7 pillars of mindfulness, etc... can make a big difference, in my experience.
Getting out of the habit of having to have "an opinion" / "judgment" about every single F'ing thing that IS ... That just IS, until we have to categorize, compare, pick apart, judge, ... let the moronic inner critic - amalgamated, in part, through years of inculcation via others, intentional and not - dissect every molecule of existence until the minutest shred of simple BEING, JOY, etc. in any MOMENT is reduced to ash ... getting out of that habit is the greatest gift I've ever been given.
I still judge, I still fall into traps / stupidity ... I'm still human - hell, this comment has enough judging in it itself, even more simply implied / denotational ... but, I'm so much further out of the mire of crap our heads tend to get filled up with than so many people. It's both tremendously more comfortable, and yet also saddening to see so many still so trapped - by the same kinds of shitty thinking I was trapped by for years.
Everything you wrote here resonates pretty deeply. And as a child of fundamental religion, these judgements were not just social, but existential.
My path to something better has been Sam Harris’ Waking Up app, as well as exploring the Dzogchen analytical framework for exploring the ways we constantly engage in this labeling/judging was mind bending and eye opening (a guy named James Low does a talk titled “Everything as it is” that unlocked some things in my brain).
I feel the same way about this - it’s a gift. Nearing 40 and experiencing relief from lifelong struggles with painful patterns of thought for the first time. These are ideas worth exploring, and are all solidly grounded in rational thought, which was something I mistakenly thought I’d have to leave behind to explore this kind of contemplative path.
We get so inculcated with comparing, contrasting, thinking about "better", "not as good as", "worse" ... it's THE recipe for all manner of negative psychological states, emotions, etc. There are basic biological drives, of course, but both implicitly and explicitly we are taught minute-by-minute, starting from not long after birth, to JUDGE EVERYTHING. Parents - "good/bad boy / girl", school - grades / social status / toys, work - "star employee / slacker" ... It's a set up for every imaginary "treadmill" that exists - consumer, achievement, etc.
All illusory.
It takes some conscious work / effort, to undo. But, I found, ultimately, that I was able to undo a hell of a lot of that crap in a shorter time than I expected. Several weeks worth of work with Jon Kabat-Zinn's 7 pillars of mindfulness, etc... can make a big difference, in my experience.
Getting out of the habit of having to have "an opinion" / "judgment" about every single F'ing thing that IS ... That just IS, until we have to categorize, compare, pick apart, judge, ... let the moronic inner critic - amalgamated, in part, through years of inculcation via others, intentional and not - dissect every molecule of existence until the minutest shred of simple BEING, JOY, etc. in any MOMENT is reduced to ash ... getting out of that habit is the greatest gift I've ever been given.
I still judge, I still fall into traps / stupidity ... I'm still human - hell, this comment has enough judging in it itself, even more simply implied / denotational ... but, I'm so much further out of the mire of crap our heads tend to get filled up with than so many people. It's both tremendously more comfortable, and yet also saddening to see so many still so trapped - by the same kinds of shitty thinking I was trapped by for years.