I think most adults would say the same thing about their own lives, they hunger for deep connections with other people. Covid just made this worse. It's a human desire in our world, and it's not because of naked pics on the internet.
> they hunger for deep connections with other people
We all hunger for deep connections yet we shy away from making the first step. Everyone is tired of shallow, everyone wants depth, nobody wants to start.
You may be surprised how well people respond, if you just start. Be the person who takes it deep. If you initiate, most people will be happy to follow and soon you’ll be surrounded by deep connections.
Same as when you’re alone at a party. If you initiate, most people will be happy to chat and soon you’ll be surrounded by friends.
PS: while this is simple, it is not easy … but really, reach out to some people and take them out for a <beverage>. You may be surprised how many will jump at the chance
edit: it is important to note that raw time spent together is the fastest way to a deep connection. You can’t hack this. You need actual real time. Even if you never talk about anything particularly deep, the connection becomes deep by sheer virtue of spending regular time together.
edit2: relationship building takes years, not minutes. You cannot hack this process. But it does help to take the risk first.
Nobody wants to start because of how easy it is to be taken advantage of, and we live in a world that favors the predators. We watch trust get taken advantage of every day.
> You may be surprised how well people respond, if you just start. Be the person who takes it deep. If you initiate, most people will be happy to follow and soon you’ll be surrounded by deep connections.
My experience is different. They either only want shallow and brief connection (which I can't really blame them for given the above), or the only kind of trust relationship they want is the one where you trust them and they can take advantage of you, or sell you something, or push some ideology on you. Actual connection with people who just want to be human is exceptionally rare from what I can tell.
Sorry but reality is not screenplay of "Legally Blonde". When living in Berlin I encountered numerous times the attitude "I already have friends and don't need new ones, why should I even talk to you?". People are proud from their attitude of hating "small talk" and being outright assholes. Few times I pulled some girl to dance classes and she said afterwards something along the lines "I'm going to the Moon and we'll meet again once I come back", hypergamy is brutal. What's left? Porn.
Out here in US flyover country, everywhere I look I see unremarkable dudes who certainly don't look like high earners, with reasonably-attractive women. Sure, most of them (men and women) get kinda gross by middle age (we do have an obesity epidemic, after all, and it's much worse in some states than others) but the whole incel thing is just baffling from out here—how are these forum-dwellers having so much trouble finding a partner? Maybe the forum-dweller bit is the problem?
But these women live away from the coasts and like dudes who are into fishing or hunting (not Final Fantasy Online) and can secure a trailer hitch blindfolded, and most of them probably voted for Trump, so, I guess that's the disconnect? But then, the voting thing, they may have in common with the incels.
It's like two totally different worlds.
[EDIT] Oh, a lot of them probably attend some protestant church or another pretty regularly, which I'm guessing most having trouble making connections do not. Maybe that contributes? Guaranteed socializing about once a week.
You put your finger on one of the things getting in the way. Guys spouting "purity culture" from those churches will have the Atacama Desert of dicks. Fundamentalism, misogyny, trumpism, inability to support the bodily autonomy of women, white supremacy, even techbro libertarianism, will keep your dick dry.
That's what people like Jordan Peterson and even Scott Galloway get wrong: You can go to the gym and buy new bedlinens, but women can smell Ben Shapiro in your podcast list from across town.
Hi zigurd! Just chuckling at how much contempt you have for me and how incorrect you are. Lots of us are doing just fine and if anything enjoying the fruits of monogamy and waiting till marriage and delighting in the fruits it brings, stable, frequent and increasingly satisfying carnal fulfillment and children.
I will say though, plenty of young men and women like you describe where when push comes to shove they fold. Nothing new, abstaining and self denial are hard. I don’t fault them, at least they gave it a try. Theory is easy, practice is hard.
Anyways, don’t worry lots of us out here and all around making lots of babies and doing just fine, content, fulfilled, satisfied. We just don’t tend to make such a big vitriolic stink cause we have better things to do than cast shade. Plus, we are busy. Wife is busy cleaning, cooking and childcare . I’m busy working and teaching my children. Also busy getting busy.
It’s our choice, it’s how we both want to live and if I could do it all over again I would in heart beat.
Sure, connect me with attractive German, Swiss, or American woman which after good times and sex will say "wow great, move in to my place and let's create family". Hint: this does not occur, even the first part does not occur. While the opposite, woman of my ethnicity with German, Swiss, American man - yes it does. Call it hypergamy, a nonsense, or whatever.
