1. You cannot "make" people "fall in love" with you.
2. Love isn't about "falling". What people call "falling in love" is romance. Romance, while not a bad thing and arguably even a nice thing, is not the same thing as love. The function of romance is to easy people toward a committed relationship and procreation.
3. Romance is emotional. While emotions are appropriate to love, they are not love themselves. Love is not an essentially emotional phenomenon. Those who view love this way are condemned to a life of miserable and lonely self-indulgence. Incidentally, marriages of convenience can be more successful, i.e., because of the absence of excessive romantic expectation.
4. Love is about willing the objective good of the other. Not wishing, but willing. Willing the good of the other means living for the good of the other. That is something we can choose, as opposed to emotions which are volatile and changing.
5. Willing presupposes knowing as we cannot love what we do not know.
6. The capacity to love isn't a "skill set". It's a matter of character. Selfish and transactional people cannot love.
7. Character is a matter of virtue.
8. Relationships are rooted in a common good which is prioritized over the personal or private good (which, perhaps paradoxically, depend on that common good). Otherwise, there is no relationship.
9. Relationships mean sacrificing for the other, for the common good which has primacy over each person's personal or private good. Perhaps another paradox: we find ourselves in 'losing' ourselves.
10. Perfect love casts out all fear. Fear is rooted in the prospect of personal or private loss. By willing the good of the other, you overcome selfishness and thus the fear of loss.
11. The other in the relationship is a person, like you, not an instrument to be used for your satisfaction or your happiness. Instrumentalizing the other leads to misery.
12. Despite our contemporary egalitarian biases and sentiments, sex differences do translate into sex-determined duties and relations. Failing to respect them leads to discord, confusion, disharmony, and even grievance.
13. While we have no duty to marry, once married, we have voluntarily assumed duties which are now binding for life.
14. Marriage is committing. Shacking up is noncommittal and therefore unloving, rooted as it is in selfish opportunism, the desire for an "escape hatch".
I agree with all you wrote. However, the question is then, how do you find somebody who shares the same views? Finding that special someone is the hardest part in my experience. Even if you can convince some to give you a chance, what are the chances that they will share your most important values?
2. Love isn't about "falling". What people call "falling in love" is romance. Romance, while not a bad thing and arguably even a nice thing, is not the same thing as love. The function of romance is to easy people toward a committed relationship and procreation.
3. Romance is emotional. While emotions are appropriate to love, they are not love themselves. Love is not an essentially emotional phenomenon. Those who view love this way are condemned to a life of miserable and lonely self-indulgence. Incidentally, marriages of convenience can be more successful, i.e., because of the absence of excessive romantic expectation.
4. Love is about willing the objective good of the other. Not wishing, but willing. Willing the good of the other means living for the good of the other. That is something we can choose, as opposed to emotions which are volatile and changing.
5. Willing presupposes knowing as we cannot love what we do not know.
6. The capacity to love isn't a "skill set". It's a matter of character. Selfish and transactional people cannot love.
7. Character is a matter of virtue.
8. Relationships are rooted in a common good which is prioritized over the personal or private good (which, perhaps paradoxically, depend on that common good). Otherwise, there is no relationship.
9. Relationships mean sacrificing for the other, for the common good which has primacy over each person's personal or private good. Perhaps another paradox: we find ourselves in 'losing' ourselves.
10. Perfect love casts out all fear. Fear is rooted in the prospect of personal or private loss. By willing the good of the other, you overcome selfishness and thus the fear of loss.
11. The other in the relationship is a person, like you, not an instrument to be used for your satisfaction or your happiness. Instrumentalizing the other leads to misery.
12. Despite our contemporary egalitarian biases and sentiments, sex differences do translate into sex-determined duties and relations. Failing to respect them leads to discord, confusion, disharmony, and even grievance.
13. While we have no duty to marry, once married, we have voluntarily assumed duties which are now binding for life.
14. Marriage is committing. Shacking up is noncommittal and therefore unloving, rooted as it is in selfish opportunism, the desire for an "escape hatch".