I haven’t used illegal drugs, but I am bipolar. Mania is a high that nothing else has ever matched.

I have benzos for anxiety. And they really make an exciting social event so much brighter and clearer. I’m so comfortable in my own skin, I can just be around absolute strangers.

It’s hard to compare to those highs. My daily live comparatively dull. But I’ve accepted the tradeful because the other things that come with mania are not worth it.

Occasionally, I get a glimpse of what I had. I should walk away, but I don’t. And pay for it later.

Benzos are also misused and highly addictive, i lived with an addict once and the moodswings where crazy when those were in the mix, tried it myself once it makes you very confident until you mix that with alcohol what a rollercoaster, never again im happy it can be used for good tho! :)

Yeah. Gave up alcohol when I got diagnosed. I’m terrified of becoming addicted to anything.

I don’t particularly like Benzos but when I need them, I really need them.

It took a lot of prodding and nagging from professionals, friends, and to get me to use them at all. :)

I think this comes with long term, heavy use. I’ve heard similar stories.

> I think this comes with long term, heavy use.

That makes sense, but GP wrote "once you've done it, everything becomes dull without it". I interpreted that to mean it happened after the first time.

After the first time trying it all I could think about was doing it again. I remember walking home with my friend who was doing it for first time and both of us agreed it was the best thing we'd ever done. We did it again shortly after.

I've done MDMA and other hallucinogens a lot and quite enjoyed then. I guess, for me, there is always the knowledge that it's not real. No judgment at all, though. Chemical balance is extremely personal.

It's kind of like going to a movie or a concert that I enjoy, but at the end it's nice to return. If the high continued I'd feel miserably unhappy despite the artificial chemical boost.

Thankfully that effect has been temporary. Yes I remember 5 htp. I used to take it