My wife and I co-sleep with our kids (2 & 4). I get just about a full sleep every night. If the kids wake up I imagine it's much less work to roll over and cuddle with them as opposed to getting out of bed, going to a separate room and then comforting them. Co-sleeping gets bonus points for giving me just a little extra sweet time with my kids, because before I know it they will be older and wanting their own space. They are only little once.
Forgive me here; I'm approaching this from a place of ignorance and curiosity, and I hope I don't overstep any personal boundaries - both for you and myself!
My wife and I had many reasons for why we ultimately chose not to co-sleep. One of those reasons was our sex life. I don't pretend to know what the "norm"/average is, but it's frequent for us, 3-4 times per week, and at the risk of TMI, it can be fairly... involved. We know a few couples who co-sleep and I've always been curious how, or hell, even if, it has impacted their sexual relationships. Clearly it works for them (and you) and that's great! I would just be interested, if you're comfortable sharing, to hear what your experience has been here.
From personal experience: after we had kids, sex became a lot more about opportunity than any particular place (our bed) and time (at night). It was that way for a while. Now, they're a little more grown up, and things are the way they were before. Everything is a phase.
Ha! Perfectly reasonable question. Well, we just about never have sex in our room, but luckily for us our house is large enough with plenty of other venues for intercourse. The hardest thing for both me and my wife is the fact that we can't just roll over and fall asleep afterwards. I do miss those days!
I'm not the person you are replying to, but my kids often find their way into our room before we get there. We usually just move them back to their own beds. If they come back on their own, it's usually not until much later after we've had time to ourselves. My kids go in phases, for a few weeks they will come in every night, then for seemly no reason, they won't come again for a month or so. However with 3 kids, they can't sync that schedule so we more often than not have a kid in our bed.
We co-slept with all three kids and caught flak for it from the pediatrician. She was certain that one or both parents were going to roll over onto the kids and squish them. Very pleased we did it, but you may have to stand your ground with well-meaning but ignorant people.
My wife looked into this and I think the safety issue is mostly a myth. I think the rare cases of child deaths while co-sleeping were when the parent was drunk or smoking in the bed and caused a fire.
I'm sure they are very educated about SIDS. But their job is to give you enough information on the pros and cons so you can make a well informed decision yourself.
It isn't the job of any expert to tell you if you should or should not do something. Humans have been cosleeping with their infants since time began. Clearly there are some serious pros to it. An expert who is truly good will never tell you what to do. They will only inform you of the pros and cons and let you arrive at your own conclusion.
It's the same deal with lawyers, dentists, accountants, security folks, UX designers, engineers and everything else. I mean, could you imagine what a product would look like if you only took input from your lawyer?
>Humans have been cosleeping with their infants since time began.
Take a look at a graph of infant mortality rates since time began, chief. Appealing to "this is how things have always been" does not really work in this case.
> Take a look at a graph of infant mortality rates since time began, chief
Thats cool. I have. But we co-slept anyway because for us the benefits outweighed the risks. Especially while breastfeeding... Raw facts and data alone are not the only things required to make an informed decision on any subject. They only serve as inputs.
There are a range of reasons why the paediatrician may not be giving the full story. Most particularly, they’re toeing the party (AAP) line, which is known to be more conservative than is needed.
Also, population-level data should not be the only input into an individual decision.
We started co-sleeping with our son at first wake at around 8 months, and have been doing that continuously for the past 7 months or so (basically he sleeps with us in bed between 2 and 6ish AM). I've enjoyed the arrangement but my wife is tired of it, due to getting kicked and punched all night long. On top of that, she's 32 weeks pregnant and really needs the sleep.
Does your wife share your enthusiasm for co-sleeping?
That sounds rough! From what my wife has let on, third trimester sleep is tough any way you slice it. My kids kick me sometimes, but usually I can just move them over and resume my slumber. It helps that we took two mattresses (a king and a twin) and pushed them together, so there is plenty of room for the four of us.
And to answer your question, my wife is even more gung-ho than I about co-sleeping. She actually had to convince me to start doing it in the first place, because I shared the concern of lot of commenters here with regards to SIDS.
> my wife is tired of it, due to getting kicked and punched all night
I hope this isn't patronizing. If you want it to work you could put the little one on your side of the bed instead of in the middle. A mattress on the floor next to you can make rolling out of bed a non-event.
Or sleep on a futon / remove the bed stand. There are many variations that work.
I would recommend co-sleeping to almost anyone.