Can you educate on why the existence of wife and children is such a burden? Is it social committments? Children don't take up 8+ hours a day after 1yro+ And wives... get one that understands stuff like this?
I ask because I know multiple talented people using this as an excuse to not use their abilities as they claim they want to.
My ignorant guess would be people these days think you need to spend a ton of time with your family because other people blame their problems on absent parents? That's why I'm asking to be educated so I can be less ignorant about the burden of parents. Naively, if I had a kid (not that I plan to, don't worry lol) I wouldn't care about spending time, just feed, clean and transport, not that much worse than pets burdenwise. I would expect kids and spouses to understand the nature of the real world (when they grow older for kids).
> I wouldn't care about spending time, just feed, clean and transport, not that much worse than pets burdenwise
This stuck out to me. I'm not sure if you're serious, but I'll bite.
Kids need more than pets. They're people, not a puppy. You can't just leave them to figure it out on their own, nor can you lock them in a box with a tablet and some Cheerios, although I'm sure most parents have wished they could from time to time.
They're still pretty useless after 1 as well. Barely walking, still not talking, can't read or write, definitely can't call up and order a pizza.
What will they eat? Good home cooked meals, or out of a box? There's no kiddie-kibble...
Who will clean up the mess and spills from that meal? Cleaning with kids around is like brushing your teeth while you eat an Oreo. There's about a 6 foot blast radius to every snack. Do you just let the place get filthy?
Who will help wipe their butt for that first five years? Lots of kids don't potty train until 3-4. Some are still having accidents after that. Now they need a shower too. And how's your laundry pile looking?
What if your kid has health problems? An appointment a week, maybe more? The appointment is 30 minutes away. An hour for the appointment. How's that day looking?
I could ramble on, but having little people around is absolutely time consuming.
What can I say, thanks for educating me on that. If I may ask a follow up, I know one guy whose wife doesn't work, if your spouse (man or woman) is willing to stay home until they are 5-6, how can they still use the family excuse?
You have changed my mind about the burdens of parents but I wonder how people were able to raise 10-15 kids, sometimes 5 of them will be toddlers at the same time.
I look at what you said and I see why people are having less kids these days as well, maybe stay at home parents are not supported or encouraged enough?
Have you ever had a job where you're on call 24x7x365, and nobody else can do it if you're not available? That's parenting.
Every relationship is different, but your spouse is also a person, with person needs. The stay at home parent still wants time to shower in peace, or a day where they don't feel like they play chauffeur, maid, nurse, and chef. It's a lot of work. Sometimes you need help. It is easy for it to feel one sided, and for a partner to feel like it's not much of a partnership.
If you make it through a day where they're just hungry, grumpy, and screaming as they sometimes do, and you haven't had 5 minutes to yourself that day, would you be happy your spouse was "just running a little late at the office" and arrived home 2 hours later than normal? Or maybe just after bedtime, so you did it all that day?
Numbers wise, if you have fifteen children, and five are toddlers, it's likely some are old enough to babysit. One thing I've realized about a lot of those old school big families is that the older kids spent a fair amount of time doing things parents do - walking the younger ones to school, keeping an eye on them at the park, cleaning the house, helping with cooking, etc.
I ask because I know multiple talented people using this as an excuse to not use their abilities as they claim they want to.
My ignorant guess would be people these days think you need to spend a ton of time with your family because other people blame their problems on absent parents? That's why I'm asking to be educated so I can be less ignorant about the burden of parents. Naively, if I had a kid (not that I plan to, don't worry lol) I wouldn't care about spending time, just feed, clean and transport, not that much worse than pets burdenwise. I would expect kids and spouses to understand the nature of the real world (when they grow older for kids).