I hope you've sought some professional help and are doing better. It is incredible how damaging bad parents can be. Being the brain so malleable, you'd grow your entire persona and life—your entire self—around a messed up childhood and then slowly solidify into position as you age.

Many of your thought patterns are tainted, and healing is a very long and painful process. But being (made) aware of the extent of the damage is the first and necessary step to a healthier self.