I get the sense that the OP has never worked on a large team or massive product with a large surface area and competing goals. I get it, for a lot of smaller endeavors that only have a few devs then sprint ceremonies would be overkill. But if working on large project with many teams, the lack of structure would be almost certain death. Entertaining tirade though.
I've worked on a giant team for a massive product. 200 developers, a wall of specifications. The project was cancelled after 4 years, I don't know how many squillions it cost. It was called Global Wholesale Banking.
