People talk about the singular focus that some famous people have on their interlocutors. When someone this famous is so intently focused on you, that must come across as incredibly thoughtful and even magnanimous (given all the other people they could be talking to).
I have wondered if these people were always this way, or if they developed the habit after becoming famous. I've also wondered whether the singular attention would be received in the same way if it were coming from someone who was not as famous.
It's obviously better than talking to someone who is constantly glancing around the room, but could it ever bee seen as creepy or weird? I can't imagine this fellow would have followed just anyone up into an upstairs room with a phonograph player!
I once shook Bill Clinton's hand. It was over several people's shoulders, and he turned, made eye contact for two seconds, shook my hand, and turned back to the person he was talking to.
It was magical. Those two seconds of eye contact told me that he genuinely cared about me as a person.
I don't believe he gives a shit, but wow that charisma.
Bill Clinton has exactly this reputation, for being absolutely magnetic with people he meets.
Here's Gillian Anderson (X-Files):
> She recalled meeting former President Bill Clinton back on his campaign trail in 1992 during a chat. She found herself attending a luncheon with the prez-to-be 30 years ago. Anderson remembered being so awestruck by Clinton, that she wanted him to phone her afterwards. “He did the most miraculous thing in the world, he shakes your hand, then he grabs your elbow and at the same time he holds your arm further up.”
> The “X-Files” actress went on, “[It was a] slightly intimate little thing. [He] makes eye contact. And he moves on to the next person. Then he looks back at you.”
> Anderson then described that their meetup was a thing that the politician did to everyone that he comes across. However, she still expected a phone call from him afterwards. “I went home, I thought – this was in the days of answering machines – I literally thought that I was going to go home to a message from him,” she added. “I did. It was that real.”
The closest contact that I've had with Einstein was meeting a woman in California in the late 80s who said he used to visit her father and play the fiddle with him. On the one hand it seems amazing that such a great man would take a break and make himself available for things like that. On the other hand I wonder if he would be as widely celebrated if he hadn't done that sort of thing.
> Einstein immigrated to the United States in 1933, where he held a professorship at Princeton University until his retirement in 1945. His routine there was simple. Between 9:00 and 10:00 A.M. he ate breakfast and perused the daily papers. At about 10:30 he left for his Princeton office, walking when the weather was nice; otherwise, a station wagon from the university would pick him up. He worked until 1:00, then returned home for a 1:30 lunch, a nap, and a cup of tea. The rest of the afternoon was spent at home, continuing his work, seeing visitors, and dealing with the correspondence that his secretary had sorted earlier in the day. Supper was at 6:30, followed by more work and more letters.
> Despite his humble lifestyle, Einstein was a celebrity in Princeton, famous not only for his scientific accomplishments but also for his absentmindedness and disheveled appearance. (Einstein wore his hair long to avoid visits to the barber and eschewed socks and suspenders, which he considered unnecessary.) Walking to and from work, he was often waylaid by locals who wanted to meet the great physicist. A colleague remembered, ‘Einstein would pose with the waylayer’s wife, children, or grandchildren as desired and exchange a few good-humored words.
Pretty sure Einstein was always that way: a generous, compassionate, and perceptive person who cared a lot about music and wanted to help other people understand the world.
Someone having a break-down in communication and then a falling out with their spouse, ultimately leading to divorce, doesn’t mean either partner is a bad person, lacking in generosity or compassion, etc.
Marriages can be delicate, take a lot of hard work, and can break in any number of ways, when the two partners’ priorities don’t align. It’s a particular challenge if one of the partners is extremely busy with their work, often traveling alone, has lots of external obligations and commitments ....
These particular letters are evidence that Einstein had a bad relationship with his wife for many years and probably fell well short of her original expectations, being more occupied with his career than his family. But not necessarily evidence that he was a jerk or mistreating anyone. Without knowing a whole lot more about the situation it’s pretty hard to judge from a few letters.
(It is generally shitty that women were (and are) often expected to give up their careers to support their husbands’ careers, and later to raise children. As a society we could do a lot more to promote gender equality and help support families.)
A while back I found in his wiki article that when he worked for the Kaiser Wilhelm institute he had visited Japan and written some racist things in his personal notes. It was oddly reassuring. Einstein, probably the most deified scientist out there, had attitudes and behaviors completely typical for his time period and social status.
These are interesting ideas. It likely varies based on the listener, but possible explanations may be:
i) Transferable focus: Many famous people known for their accomplishments may have succeeded at their work thanks to a great degree of singular focus. This may translate to social interactions, focusing on other conversation participants. Due to selection bias, famous people who are less attentive/tend to multitask are not included in these anecdotes, as they do not get a reputation for listening closely.
ii) Charisma: Other famous people may have succeeded due to strong salesmanship as a primary or secondary skill, which may have led to fruitful connections or funding opportunities. Part of their charisma is from attentive listening.
iii) Placebo (similar to your idea): The amount of attentive listening was normal for any respectful person. However, because the famous person's time is seen as very valuable (as you mentioned), the behavior is seen as exceptional as they could have been doing other things.
iv) Learning (similar to your idea): As the person got famous, they ended up speaking to lots of high-ranking politicians or celebrity figures, and consciously or sub-consciously picked up the habit of attentive listening from them.
Separately: I think a singular attention is typically seen as positive even from a person who is low status. It typically feels good just "feel heard" even from a stranger, especially if few people are typically interested about your life (psychologist Carl Rogers wrote a bit about this). For testable examples, you would probably prefer an experience of singular attention from speaking with a family member, teacher, waiter, or barber/cosmetologist. Even if no service is rendered, it's probably nice to be listened to by a stranger in a one-off conversation.
Attentive focus might only be seen as creepy or weird if there's only intense eye contact with unnatural body language, without other signs using speech that the other person is attentive.
I tend to agree that focused attention is a positive from any type of person, but was curious what other HNers thought. I think one of the tips from How to Make Friends and Influence People is to ask questions and encourage others to talk about themselves. That is along the same lines.
And it's possible that this skill/habit correlates with success (like your reference to charisma) because people who become successful are more likely to be good listeners.
I have wondered if these people were always this way, or if they developed the habit after becoming famous. I've also wondered whether the singular attention would be received in the same way if it were coming from someone who was not as famous.
It's obviously better than talking to someone who is constantly glancing around the room, but could it ever bee seen as creepy or weird? I can't imagine this fellow would have followed just anyone up into an upstairs room with a phonograph player!