1. I’d bet money that your voice change is not noticeable from the outside, and it’s something you are feeling internally, but other people really can’t even notice. Also, If you’re meeting someone for the first time they have no idea what your voice sounds like! The reason I’m saying this is because I’m
Guessing you’re putting extreme pressure on yourself and creating a positive feedback loop for something that no one else can notice!
2. What helped me was realizing no one can notice the subtle changes in my mood shifts and my anxiety, literally no one, even if they could, so what?
3. One of the biggest things to help me was realizing that no one actually cares what I’m saying or how I come across, it may sound quite negative but it’s actually quite liberating when it comes to social anxiety, no one notices and no one is reflecting to themselves “was __ awkward in that brief conversation back there?”. “
Did __ seem nervous?”.
My actual suggestestions are basically the same as everyone else’s:
- practice, if one particular situation causes you a disproportionate amount of anxiety, put yourself in it as often as you can. For me it was public speaking, but after a decade of speaking in front of groups of people regularly it’s literally a no op now,
- gym, I have no idea what it is but walking around with a sore body boosts my confidence, not a big body, not lots of muscles; just a sore relatively fit body, if you do HIIT you’ll literally practice high physical stress scenario regularly (fast heart rate) and your body will be better equipped to handle operating under those circumstances, ie you’ll be more regulated and it will be easier to maintain a clear head under a “flight” response
.
- realizing that ultimately everyone is pretty preoccupied with their lives, most of the times when I speak most people aren’t even listening :p or they forget about it a minute after I talk, when I finally realized this it really helped me.
- listen more than you speak, ask open ended questions, take a general interest in the people you’re speaking with, if you show interest because you’re authentically interested in speaking to people and listening to people, they will open up, even in just regular normal everyday conversation, if you’re too nervous speaking right now, how about listening???
> 3. One of the biggest things to help me was realizing that no one actually cares what I’m saying or how I come across...
Reminds me of a saying: In your 20s you worry what people are thinking about you. In your 30s you don't care what people think. In your 40s you realize that no one is (or was) thinking about you.
2. What helped me was realizing no one can notice the subtle changes in my mood shifts and my anxiety, literally no one, even if they could, so what?
3. One of the biggest things to help me was realizing that no one actually cares what I’m saying or how I come across, it may sound quite negative but it’s actually quite liberating when it comes to social anxiety, no one notices and no one is reflecting to themselves “was __ awkward in that brief conversation back there?”. “ Did __ seem nervous?”.
My actual suggestestions are basically the same as everyone else’s:
- practice, if one particular situation causes you a disproportionate amount of anxiety, put yourself in it as often as you can. For me it was public speaking, but after a decade of speaking in front of groups of people regularly it’s literally a no op now,
- gym, I have no idea what it is but walking around with a sore body boosts my confidence, not a big body, not lots of muscles; just a sore relatively fit body, if you do HIIT you’ll literally practice high physical stress scenario regularly (fast heart rate) and your body will be better equipped to handle operating under those circumstances, ie you’ll be more regulated and it will be easier to maintain a clear head under a “flight” response .
- realizing that ultimately everyone is pretty preoccupied with their lives, most of the times when I speak most people aren’t even listening :p or they forget about it a minute after I talk, when I finally realized this it really helped me.
- listen more than you speak, ask open ended questions, take a general interest in the people you’re speaking with, if you show interest because you’re authentically interested in speaking to people and listening to people, they will open up, even in just regular normal everyday conversation, if you’re too nervous speaking right now, how about listening???