You state child rearing as a solution to the existential problem and I think that is the wrong framing. Children give life meaning _for certain people_. There are many unhappy parents.
There's a type of bias in the dichotomy of those who have and don't have kids. No parent will badmouth their child knowing full well that they're committing to that for the life of their child. Complaining about having kids is an admission of a bad commitment that will pay double digit years. There is a (biologically driven) feeling of love you have for your children and it is overwhelming. It is juxtaposed by hardships of raising children. This puts most parents in the middle of the regret/contentment spectrum. These are the reasons why parents aren't straight with others about having kids.
> it's the hardest thing you'll ever do but it's so rewarding
To set it straight:
- It's hard and there is no certain link between hard work and the reward of happy and successful children
- I have seen great parents with the worst children; at 40, they are angry and broken humans drifting directionlessly; since birth they have been angry and a pain in their parents' collective asses; they are the reason for parents divorce and will likely cause their early death as they battle with drug addictions, low self esteem and abusive relationships - all self inflicted. Both parents blame themselves and have had other happy and successful kids.
- God forbid you have a disabled child; this just plain sucks. If you have multiple children they all resent the disabled child. This child will never become independent and their life is your responsibility forever
- It involves a lot of stress and not a lot of thanks. Most kids are not grateful and don't realize the magnitude and sustain of time/money/sacrifice/stress it took to keep them alive and provide for them.
- It strains your relationship with your partner. Some parents I know are divorced primarily because of life stress caused by children.
- It complicates your life in every way. Want to take a walk? Dinner with friends? Travel? All these things are harder with children. You're constantly weighing opportunity cost because your available time is even more bottlenecked.
Know why you're having children and if you can handle it!!! Make sure you will never give up on them - this is a path to broken children. Index on negative experiences about what it's like to have children.
If after all that you still want kids, go forth and procreate!
> it's the hardest thing you'll ever do but it's so rewarding
To set it straight:
- It's hard and there is no certain link between hard work and the reward of happy and successful children
- I have seen great parents with the worst children; at 40, they are angry and broken humans drifting directionlessly; since birth they have been angry and a pain in their parents' collective asses; they are the reason for parents divorce and will likely cause their early death as they battle with drug addictions, low self esteem and abusive relationships - all self inflicted. Both parents blame themselves and have had other happy and successful kids.
- God forbid you have a disabled child; this just plain sucks. If you have multiple children they all resent the disabled child. This child will never become independent and their life is your responsibility forever
- It involves a lot of stress and not a lot of thanks. Most kids are not grateful and don't realize the magnitude and sustain of time/money/sacrifice/stress it took to keep them alive and provide for them.
- It strains your relationship with your partner. Some parents I know are divorced primarily because of life stress caused by children.
- It complicates your life in every way. Want to take a walk? Dinner with friends? Travel? All these things are harder with children. You're constantly weighing opportunity cost because your available time is even more bottlenecked.
Know why you're having children and if you can handle it!!! Make sure you will never give up on them - this is a path to broken children. Index on negative experiences about what it's like to have children.
If after all that you still want kids, go forth and procreate!