Im in that boat too, but I also look at it as a choice Ive made through the years, Ive always valued being independent and having my own space over basically everything else... And Ive grown into this person, for example, Im good professionally, I skateboard, Im a bit of a nights and parties and bars and travelling person, Im heavily tattooed etc. But then with covid and time passing then the "oh shit this being all by myself and all for myself thing, I think Im over it", then its something that starts hitting you with bigger frequency etc.

So anyway, my conclusion is that yeah Im maybe a bit deep into this, but the most important thing is that I now want to chose a different thing and Ive just got to work on realizing this new objetive just as I done before. This 'Im now old and lonely' thing is though, but the hardest part of it I think is just that we end up ruminating that shit and thinking our choices have completely defined us already and we are done. And when we were younger as the thought went over us wed actually think that was the whole fun, having that youthful outlook like "oh I have all this freedom and time to do what I want with my life, how exciting!", we still have so much freedom and time to choose.

Honestly I think as we get into the mid thirties there's probably some stuff that change in our minds, how we perceive time, past, future, etc, and this anxieties start creeping up more, I guess that's part of life. Most definitely, though, being thrown around and being cornered by fear, by your own thoughts, thats not the way to live, I'm sure. To me its no wonder most of all antique philosophy/religion, if you look into it, focus exactly on that, dealing with human existential anxiety.

This got a bit long but I decided to take my social and affective life into my own hands more, and Ill be getting a dog this year too hahah