I still don't understand why it faux-pas to just put cash in a nice card...
I just do it anyway. It's a more universal gift card without fees and expiration dates...
Anyone who tries to put me down for doing so will simply not be receiving a gift from me next year... Screw stressful stores. plastic cards, and standing in line, my method is much more "green"... :P
It really depends on the economic situation of the recipient.
I am lucky enough to have more than enough money to maintain the life that I want to have. Giving me cash makes no material difference to me. It will most likely sit in a savings account for potentially the rest of my life. Don't do that especially if you need it (please!).
Finding an actual "physical" gift can be hard, time consuming, stressful, would prompt you to spend more than you afford to "ensure a proper gift", etc.
Gift cards for something I don't usually do is a relatively easy way to solve that. It's like saying "I know you can afford it, but you don't seem to XYZ that often, and maybe you'll like it". XYZ can be [discover a store], [try an experience], [visit some place] or anything else. If I know someone put a little money on that, I will honour that and hopefully discover something new, which is the best gift ever !. And you can put the exact amount that you feel comfortable putting (and in fact the amount itself does not really matter).
But indeed, if the recipient is in any position where cash could be helpful, or if they are saving for a purpose (travel, house, child, ...). Just give cash instead.
I don’t think it is, at least not in my family. Cash is no more of a faux pas than a gift card, at least. I happen to think either is a pretty lame gift. Instead of a gift card to LUSH, for example, just buy me a bath bomb or whatever. Maybe I won’t like the scent you choose, maybe I’ll love it—that’s the nature of receiving a gift. Besides, gift cards are rarely enough to cover an actual purchase with taxes and etc added, so they often end up forcing the recipient to spend some of their own money (or they gather dust until they expire).
I know some people are “hard to buy for” but this might be an indication that you shouldn’t be giving them a gift. If you don’t know them well enough to have a gift idea, or don’t feel comfortable asking for ideas, are you really obligated to get them something?
My wife did something amazing this year that I think is relevant here. She had a baby shower to go to. She didn't know what to get the mother to be.
So she bought an Amazon gift card. And then she created a wishlist of items she thought the mother might need, doing the research to find reputable brands, unique solutions to problems, "best mom gadgets", etc (such as the pacifier that you can put liquids into; it lets you get liquid medicines into the baby, like cough syrup, without stress). She sent the gift card, and the link to the wishlist with an explanation.
It was both a pragmatic and thoughtful approach, without the risk of buying something she already had, or didn't need or want.
Your wife has just re-invented gift registries! Maybe this is cultural, but in the US for baby showers and weddings, usually specific wants/needs will be compiled into a list and registered either at a specific retailer, or with a web service; so you don't get double-buys or things you don't need.
It is a great idea, but it makes more sense when the recipient does the registering IMO.
> the pacifier that you can put liquids into; it lets you get liquid medicines into the baby
If you are unlucky enough to have to get medicine into a baby, something has happened and you are hopefully under the supervision of a doctor or a nurse who can aid with the practicalities.
Small babies are delicate machines and gifting any sort of medical aid "just in case" might give the recipient ideas. Feeding a baby cough syrup may have been just an example but sounds downright dangerous. Please be careful.
> it lets you get liquid medicines into the baby, like cough syrup
I realize this was just a casual example, but kids under two generally shouldn't be given any cough or cold meds (there are no over-the-counter cough meds for kids <2 sold in the US).
The next thing is Gift Affiliate Shower Funnel Marketing Cards - the server running on the java card itself in Rust of course
I didn't m to sound facetious but now I'm thinking about the ways of making a SaaS out of this : the incentive for the giver is easy enough ; the card maker gets a cut ; AWS should give you a great deal on hosting..
I'm not great at gifts but the thing I've learned is, consumables. Chocolate, wine, your bath bomb, fancy cookies, etc. They're fairly universal, won't run into the "already have it" problem, and don't leave the recipient feeling like they now need to hold onto something forever or risk offending you. You may not score a direct hit but generally if you know people at all you can't go too far wrong.
I used to make people cookies and sometimes candy. I'd try to have at least 4-5 varieties, individually wrapped at home, with rules: No nuts, no candy outside of chocolate chips, and most of the doughs would freeze well. I'd often include one new-to-me cookie, chocolate chips, snickerdoodles, brownies, and a colorful-but-plain sugar cookie.
They aren't fancy or anything, but they scale up well and folks will look forward to it.
I've made a bunch of fancy chocolate truffles more than once. The basic truffle can be rolled in all kinds of nuts and shit, so you get an assortment; the greatest expense is the packaging (pretty boxes, nice little paper shells to put them in).
Even if the recipient doesn't care for truffles (vegan, weight-loss dieter) they like the packaging, and they have something to share. And truffles are easy to make.
For a few years now we've bought a bunch of peaches sometime in the summer and made a bunch of peach jam, put it in pretty little jars, and brought them to holiday gatherings with my family around Philadelphia. It's always a hit.
The thing is, they actually have good peaches up there too! I know this because I ate so many of them when I lived near a good farmer's market there!
Ah, Gram Parsons, the "Georgia Peach". And Duane Allman.
Philly peaches: I believe that Robert E. Lee's troops got through a lot of "foraged" (stolen) peaches on the march to Gettysburg. Presumably squits was a big problem in the confederate army.
My family pact this year is we have agreed to buy each other stationery. Paper, pencils, stickies, and fountain pen ink — all consumable and easy to find something for everyone (especially if they like sushi, cats, or owls.)
Someone being "hard to buy for" isn't a reflection of how well you know them (or if you don't know them). It is simply a reflection of not quite being able to buy them some of the things they'd really enjoy. It is hard to buy art supplies for the artist if you don't make art yourself, and it is similarly difficult to buy an avid reader books since you don't know what books they've read. On top of it all, they might not need or want much - or simply not express the wants well.
My family has always created wishlists to address this, but now that we're all adults, we've got the issue that we can buy what we want for ourselves. I've had to make a policy of delaying non-urgent purchases and putting them on my wishlist instead, because otherwise the answer to "What do you want for Christmas?" is "I don't know—I already bought all the [reasonably priced] things I want!"
If Christmas weren't a thing, I'd've bought some new cycling gloves a month or two ago, but as it is, I'll keep riding with my very-torn-up pair until Christmas so my family can continue to partake in the gift giving ritual we enjoy without having to resort to finding random stuff the recipient probably doesn't actually want.
The curse of having enough money and not wanting a lot of things. :-)
Maybe my extended family is weird, but most gift giving is extremely impersonal these days and only done as a matter of tradition. People are making up wish lists and sending them to others specifically to avoid forcing the other party to invest a lot of effort into a gift that might not be received well.
Gift cards are the worst of both worlds - just as impersonal as cash, but even more limiting.
Pro Tip: Cracker Barrel Country stores are great... They have tons of low-cost and quite universally likeable throw-away nick-nacks that you can pick up and keep in a closet of your house until an awkward "I don't know what to get this person" situation comes up. :P
I don’t like getting Knickknacks, but my favorite kitchen accessories make good gifts for many people. Instant read thermometers, silicone oven mits, etc
I have rather a small kitchen, and I like cooking. In the same way that a carpenter prefers to choose his own tools, I prefer to choose my own kitchen implements. I'd prefer to receive consumable ingredients that can last a year or two on the shelf (no, not stem ginger in brandy, thanks all the same).
I hate buying birthday and christmas gifts, and I don't expect to receive them either. I don't have space in my small flat for stuff that doesn't earn the space it occupies, and I assume my relatives don't either.
My policy is to buy presents for people when I find something that I think they'd want. I usually check with them first, so that I'm getting the correct style or model. This process isn't synchronised with any anniversaries, except that if it's near an anniversary, a date-adjustment might occur. For an occasion for which some kind of gift would be expected (e.g. 21st, birth, retirement), if I don't find the right thing, they get cash.
I prefer not to give cash ("it's the thought that counts", and giving cash doesn't involve a lot of thought), and in practice I only give cash to my grown-up kids, who understand how I operate. The hardest target is small kids, who enjoy unwrapping things and enjoying them immediately. I've given cash to my toddler granddaughters too, though (via the investment fund their parents operate); but not on their birthdays.
My late father didn't want people to give him "hard" gifts - stuff that he had to keep somewhere, or worse: put on display to prove he appreciated it. He preferred gifts of food, or other stuff that could be consumed fairly quickly. I'm the same, and I treat others as I would like to be treated myself. I have enough stuff (but I'm running low on caviar).
I think a random, well-targeted, gift on a non-anniversary, coming out of blue sky, is much more exciting than yet another plastic birthday present, arriving on the same day as all the other anniversary presents, that will last a couple of weeks before going to landfill.
I often forget my own birthday. I'm fine with a Happy Birthday phone-call - or none. If someone needs an anniversary gift, for whatever reason, I visit a few card shops, and choose a really snazzy, expensive one. Some of my rels are still displaying fancy commercial cards I sent them ten years ago; I'm still displaying a hand-made card drawn by my 2-year-old granddaughter.
But the idea is that a gift is personal, and that cash is impersonal. The universality is exactly what makes it impersonal.
The ideal gift (again, in US cultural context) is one that reflects something unique about the giver, or recipient, or the relationship between them. An exchange of cash is something that happens between strangers on a regular basis.
> This is generally solved with a note alongside the cash.
I think "solved" here should be "mitigated". Certainly culturally it seems lots of people don't consider this equivalent although logically it could be seen as "better".
A gift card is more crass and far shittier than cash. It is giving me an obligation to shop somewhere and to keep track of that.
I do not want to carry a stupid gift card around with me, or have to remember to use it, or how much more is left on it. And the principle of it is that the cash they could have given you is now earning the retailer interest?
I agree that it's shittier (from an ease-of-use perspective), but I don't agree that it's more crass. The usual objection to cash or cash-equivalent gifts is that they're impersonal and show that you don't know the recipient well enough to pick a gift they'd like, or care enough to expend the effort to find one.
A gift card (at least if it isn't something generic like Amazon or Starbucks) at least says "I wasn't sure what to get you, but I know you like X-type things, and store Y is all about X-type things, so here's a gift card for store Y". I think this sort of thing can work well for hobbies where a gift-giver might not be able to reasonably choose what to get. Like, for example, I wouldn't mind a gift card to a hobbyist electronics store like Adafruit, but, given the nature of the things I buy there, I would never expect any of my friends (or even my girlfriend) to know what I'd find useful from there without asking me for a specific thing to get for me, which would ruin any amount of surprise. But on receiving that gift card, I'd think it was a nice surprise, and very thoughtful that they remembered that time I was talking about how I bought an ESP32 dev board and was playing around with some electronics projects.
But yeah, if someone gave me an Amazon gift card, I would find that as thoughtless as cash (fortunately still easy to use, since I buy things from Amazon all the time, and I can easily just add the gift card to my account and then not worry about it anymore). And if someone gave me a Starbucks gift card, they clearly do not know me at all, as I don't drink coffee.
Again, totally agree that gift cards are worse than cash from a usability perspective, but I think they're less crass. You might be unhappy to receive a gift card, but there are many people who would fell warmer and fuzzier receiving a (thoughtfully-selected) gift card, rather than cash.
> And the principle of it is that the cash they could have given you is now earning the retailer interest?
As the article says, vanishingly few retailers make interest or investment returns off gift card money. Nearly all of them consider it working capital and use it to help run their businesses.
Either way, I find this to be a weird objection. A gift is about the giver and the receiver. If a third party makes interest off some unrelated side transaction, it's kinda petty to be worked up about it.
I will give you that gift cards can be used to signal they noticed you like a certain type of thing, but a gift card to Amazon or Target does not do that.
If you really do not know what the other person would like as a gift, and do not want to do cash, a regular phone calls
I think is more meaningful. I want for almost nothing except home cooked food that would be given as a gift, but just calling and spending a few min to say hello and update on happenings in your life is much preferred.
I've never purchased a gift card. I've received them (for participating in a COVID survey actually - but I'd have participated for nothing), and I gave them to people. If they'd given me cash, I'd probably have kept it.
If it's a type of exchange where that may happen, then neither side likely needs the money. It's best to get just give a card. I think cash is more appropriate for parents/grandparents/aunts giving money to their kids/grandkids/etc, and less appropriate between peers. If you feel the need to get your peer something, then get them something you think they may like. If you don't know what that is, then IMO you should stick with a card or nothing at all.
My family has been moving away from gift giving, in favor of spending time together instead. Show people you care for them all year long and don't buy in to these over-commercialized traditions.
Yass. If I'm giving a gift, as often as not it expresses me, rather than the giftee. E.g. I don't know what the giftee likes to read; so I buy them a book that I'd like to be given. Even if they don't like the book, they have the opportunity to know me better. Signed editions are cool, because they may have resale value.
And it's absolutely OK to ebay my gifts; once it's given, it's not mine any more, and it's yours to dispose of as you see fit. I'd prefer if you kept it and used it, of course; but gifting is intrisically haphazard. For me, it's essential that you completely let go of what you've given.
I agree to an extent but if you know somebody is saving up for something (eg. niece saving up for a gaming pc) then it's a great gift to bring them closer to their goal.
For a co-worker you should probably think a bit harder
I married a Chinese woman, and thus at New Year’s all the children would go out of their way to do me favours so I would give them their red packets.
I jokingly complained that I was getting a bad deal: I didn’t get red packets as a child, but I had to give them away as an adult. But my aunt-in-law put it most amusingly:
“Giving red packets is even luckier than receiving them.”
How so?
“Do you have money to put in the packet and still eat? That’s pretty lucky."
But mostly within families, right? Admittedly I don't have any first hand exposure to these customs, but are red envelopes being given at work parties or between adult friends? The Wikipedia article cited in this thread is a bit vague on this:
"Red envelopes are gifts presented at social and family gatherings such as weddings or holidays such as Chinese New Year. The red color of the envelope symbolizes good luck and is a symbol to ward off evil spirits. It is also gifted when a person is visiting as a gesture of kindness for visiting. The act of requesting red packets is normally called tao hongbao or yao lishi, and in the south of China, dou li shi. Red envelopes are usually given out to the younger generation who are normally still in school or unemployed."
I loved Sacred Economics and I'm all about figuring out how to reintegrate potlatching and other gift economy ideas into the western world. We desperately need mechanisms other than inheritance for transferring wealth to the younger generations. So I'd love to hear that these practices are occurring outside extended families, but that's not been my impression.
I mean, it's "mostly within families" in the sense that most gifting occurs within family anywhere, but it certainly isn't restricted to familial contexts; you could definitely give them to friends, co-workers, teachers or other acquaintances.
Traditionally, there's some nuances to it, e.g. it's often a tradition associated with visiting someone, and it is meant to have symbolic intent, meaning that it doesn't fit settings like secret santas.
I know they do it in South Africa (along with a "13th month" of pay), and I'm assuming the US too.
Outside of those two, I don't really know of any other Western cultures where tipping is much of a thing at all - let alone big tips at the end of the year.
> I don't really know of any other Western cultures where tipping is much of a thing at all
When my dad sent me to the barbers for a haircut, he gave me a coin to tip the barber. I think the idea was that the barber might remember me (9 year-old kid)! I don't have much hair now, so I don't have to tip barbers. But I tip taxi-drivers, evern though I know I'll probably never see them again, and if I do, they csrtainly won't remember me.
I tip waiters, because I believe they depend on tips to get decent pay. I hate it that this is necessary. I also HATE that tips for waiters go into the tip-jar, and are shared by kitchen staff and management.
People should get proper pay. How hard is that to understand?
The "sanitary operatives" in the UK used to ring your doorbell in the run-up to Christmas, more-or-less demanding a tip. If you didn't tip, then you risked having your Christmas rubbish languishing for a couple of weeks, or even strewed over your garden path. Happily, that practice is now ILLEGAL.
And safe and easy. Cash in an envelope could be lost, and then it's gone. A check could be lost and would need to be canceled and re-written. And either way you have to take an extra step to get it in your bank account. (At least with a check, most banks have a phone deposit option. You'd have to physically take the cash to a bank branch or at best ATM.)
Giving cash is common in India, and I believe several other Asian countries.
Edit: In fact, in India it is common for folks to keep track of how much who gave, so that that a similar/slightly larger amount can be returned when the time comes.
Edit2: Another cultural tidbit, in India generally you give an odd number ending in 1. Common gifts are 11, 21, 51, 101, 501, 1001 ...
Cash is common in China...or now a days, on WeChat you can send a "Red packet" of money to friends or in a groups. If you go to a wedding, you drop your red packet in a box...while in the US we have "gift registries" where a newly wed are forced to acquire physical possessions they may or may not need.
I'm not sure why cash is taboo in US - I suspect it's derived from corporations trying to drive customers to purchase items, even gift cards. After all, $1 saved is $1 not spent and that's bad for profits /s.
This. I recently got married and one of the gifts was a box of origami boats made from cash, with a nice card about how our marriage boat will take us on many great journeys. At the end of the day, it was cash but it really stuck out as an excellent gift.
Even when people ask for specific gifts (think wedding registries... baby shower gift lists...) I still just gift them cash/Venmo with a personal message, usually double or triple whatever the gift ideas recommended. I do not care about the cultural strings attached, because if I was in the situation of asking for gifts- usually caused by a taboo of directly asking for money- I would be thankful for the cash.
I see commenters here on HN talking about how 'thoughtful' a gift card is... no, a gift card is selfishly deciding how someone else should spend money that was supposed to be a gift.
Cash in a nice card can certainly be as good or better than a gift card. It's not necessarily a faux-pas. But it really depends on the situation. In some cases a gift card can be better if it is clear that the giver put some thought into the selection of the card (i.e., where it can be redeemed). There is something about the fact that the funds on a gift card can only be used in a restricted way that encourages the recipient to use it on something special. When I get cash, by contrast, I usually just put it in my bank account. I appreciate getting it, but its a different experience from a well selected gift card. (This can be at least partially addressed by including a note with the cash with some ideas on how to spend it.)
Note, however, that I'm assuming that the gift card is well selected. In practice, I find that this is usually not the case--probably because the giver was simply looking for an alternative to giving cash. Under these circumstances I agree that cash is actually better. There are few gifts worse than a gift card to a restaurant you don't like, for products you aren't interested in, or to a totally generic store.
I think the gold standard remains a thoughtful, nonmonetary gift. But that's often just not realistic.
Edit: A sibling comment points out that this is all cultural. And they're exactly right. So I suppose I should specify that I'm a Christmas-celebrating American. YMMV for gift-giving holidays and rituals from other traditions.
The last two times, I’ve included a short url that redirects to a notion page personalized for the person. As in it includes the nickname or something. The page includes instructions on how to add the gift card to the store’s app and/or site (with an account). All relevant links included to make it as easy as possible.
I also looked up apps that can be gift card aggregators and will include that next time too.
—-
I did a similar thing when I gifted Alexa Echo Show devices (the ones with a screen). These instructions included how to use a separate Amazon account so the device won’t get your contacts etc, if the person wants that privacy. Along with two 3 minute videos setting up the device and going over a few basic aspects of it. This would be a ton of work for one gift. I have now done this gift 5x and primarily to average technical people.
Basically what I’m saying is. Gift giving is hard. It makes me super anxious and stressed. I think I’ve found my own niche/trick of including personalized instructions and information. I’ve never tried this on an equally techy person though!
Hey, I started an app that’s centered around birthday gifts (https://hbd.cool). You can send gift cards and digital greetings kind of like you describe, it’s a fun way to personalize what’s usually a boring gift (as other commenters have mentioned). Would love to get your feedback on it!
I'm with you. Cash for adults. Toys for kids. If it discourages anyone from giving me a gift in the future, that's all the better. I like give giving, not gift exchanging.
I don't think it always is a faux-pas, and it depends on the recipient and your relationship with them.
Some people believe that cash is an impersonal gift and that you should spend more effort to find a personal gift that the recipient would enjoy. I would find it weird if a friend came to my birthday party and gave me cash, but a gift of a nice whiskey or gin, or a silly joke gift, would feel normal. (Also no gift at all would be fine!)
I've given cash as wedding gifts with the suggestion/hope that the couple spends it on something fun during their honeymoon (but of course they're free to spend it on whatever they like). Plenty of friends who I've talked to have agreed that cash is a fine wedding gift (and sometimes preferred). Most people set up gift registries for weddings, so it's not like the non-monetary gifts from the registry are a big surprise that required a lot of thought and personal attention on the giver's part.
> Anyone who tries to put me down for doing so will simply not be receiving a gift from me next year
Hell, anyone who complains in any way about a gift they've received should fall off the gift-giving list, regardless of what the gift was. Even if someone gives you a gift you don't like or won't use, the gracious thing is to accept it and give thanks. It really is the thought that counts. If you can re-purpose or re-gift it to someone who would actually appreciate it, and do it in a way that won't end up offending the gift-giver, all the better.
I've heard the argument that you should tell the gift giver, because you don't want them to waste their money on something you don't like, but I'm not really persuaded by that. Maybe in some situations, but probably not most. Again, depends on the relationship between the people involved.
> I would find it weird if a friend came to my birthday party and gave me cash
When I was twelve, my (much richer) friend came to my birthday party; but he didn't know it was my birthday. It was very impressive that on learing the facts, he immediately whipped out his wallet and gave me a tenner (I had never owned a tenner, and I didn't own a wallet).
Here's an idea to make a cash gift more fun. If I know a family member is trying to save up for something they want (that is either too pricey or too personalized to buy as a gift outright), I'll fold up some cash (origami style - sometimes with tape) in the shape of that item and send that as a gift to contribute to the purchase of the item.
It shows you put some thought into the gift, while leaving them free to spend the money where and however they want. And carefully unfolding it all is a bit of payback for the creative wrapping some siblings like to do :)
Along those lines, my mother in law rolled up two dollar bills in a tin can. We were spending the bills all over town. They are rare enough that some places wondered if they were real. Your bank can probably get you as many as you need.
The opposite is true in my circles. Cash is always appreciated while gift cards will earn you dirty looks from bystanders and an awkward, "Erm, uh, thanks!" from the recipient.
I don't see a gift card as much more thoughtful than cash, but there's at least the slight push of "use this to spoil yourself" when it's something indulgent like Starbucks, the liquor store, Steam, whatever. Versus cash where you may have given it with that intent, but it just as easily ends up folded into the general pot and becoming something boring like gas, groceries, whatever.
Yeah exactly. As the article points out, if you give someone a gift card to a book store knowing they’re an avid reader then that person will presumably use it to buy some books they really want to read. Then when they’re reading they’ll think of you and feel good. On the other hand, if you go out and just buy them some books they might smile and thank you sheepishly but then those books might sit unread on a shelf forever.
People’s tastes can be very specific and so it may be very difficult to buy them a gift they’ll truly appreciate and enjoy unless you’re very close. It’s much easier to buy a gift card for a retailer (coffee, books, video games, makeup, fashion) in their area of interest than to try to buy something truly suited to their tastes. This is especially the case for casual acquaintances such as coworkers.
There’s also a meme of envelopes getting raided for the cash within them (“don’t send money through the mail”).
I’ve never actually heard of anyone getting burned by this in modern times though. For sufficiently valuable gift cards (e.g. Amazon), the same hazard exists.
Maybe it is in the US. Here in Russia it's kinda common to gift cash. There are even special cards for that. Many stores do sell gift cards, but I've yet to see someone buy or redeem one.
In Poland, gift cards are relatively common, but not common enough. The problem is there are many different stores, and it might be hard to gauge which card the recipient would be interested in the most. For women, IKEA cards are common (for furniture). Empik (a store with books, board games, video games and some random third party stuff) is a popular gift card choice. So is Allegro (all kinds of products, started as Ebay-like service, these days is more like Amazon/Aliexpress connecting third party vendors to buyers).
Personal financial columnists and comedians do not understand the jobs that gift cards do. They are not cash-but-worse-in-every-way. Closed loop cards allow a giver to personalize a gift to the recipient. A Barnes and Noble gift card to a favorite niece tells that niece that you remember she is a reader, unlike those uncreative family members who would just give her cash.
If anyone’s psychology is being manipulated, it is likely the recipient, on a theory very similar to the one that causes many readers’ employers to offer a gym stipend instead of the equivalent amount of salary. You appreciate the money more, not less, because of the story about your relationship it comes with.
Probably some trade consortium trying to convince you that cash is looked down upon. I've yet to meet a younger person who didn't appreciate "cold hard cash" in a card, a la Lucy Van Pelt.
I just do it anyway. It's a more universal gift card without fees and expiration dates...
Anyone who tries to put me down for doing so will simply not be receiving a gift from me next year... Screw stressful stores. plastic cards, and standing in line, my method is much more "green"... :P