>I grew up in Midwest USA and lived for an extended period of time in NYC. "Small talk" is almost non-existent in NYC where it is very normal to stop on the street in the Midwest and converse with complete strangers.
I grew up in NYC and have lived in a variety of places around the US.
To a certain extent, your observation about NYC is valid. But only to a point.
In NYC, if you're walking down the (very crowded) streets or on the subway, since there's so little personal space, it's considered rude to just stop and start talking to someone.
That said, if there's a reason to interact, most NYers are polite, pleasant, kind and helpful.
What's more, if you're in a situation that calls for it, you can have wonderful conversations with New Yorkers. I do it all the time. I just try not to invade the limited personal space of other people.
It's not that "small talk" doesn't exist in NYC, it's just that where and when such conversations happen differs from other places.
I've lived a a bunch of different places around the US, and there are significant differences as to the etiquette surrounding interactions with strangers.
It is a bit of culture shock though. I went to college in the midwest (Cleveland) and for the first month or so was quite taken aback by all the strangers who'd say hello as I walked by. I got used to it after a while.
I think it's more about introverts vs. extroverts.
As an extrovert, I'll pretty much talk to anyone, anytime. In fact, I pretty much never shut up.
OTOH, a goodly number of those who spend a lot of time online are introverted or just misanthropic.
As such, if you ask a lot of folks who are online, you're more likely to get responses like "Why would you want to talk to someone else?" because the folks who actually like interacting with other humans in person are doing that instead.
That's more anecdotal experience and reasoning to consider.
Edit: As tomjen3 pointed out[0], it's not just introverts and misanthropes who are uncomfortable talking to people IRL. Folks with social anxiety disorder and other issues are also in the mix too. Thanks for bringing that up, tomjen3!
> As such, if you ask a lot of folks who are online, you're more likely to get responses like "Why would you want to talk to someone else?" because the folks who actually like interacting with other humans in person are doing that instead.
I think this is hugely important to remember. Many regular people don't spend much time on social media. Of the ones that do, maybe 1 in 100 (or less!) actually ever post anything. It is an extremely biased source of data.
I learned this the hard way when I found out that all these leftist AOC type primaries were failing left and right back in 2018, 2019, and 2020. I spent so much time volunteering for them and online they seemed like winners. However reality is that in real life, the numbers of volunteers and voters is a small percentage of the internet support. Its as if half of the internet is all fake AI bots. I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.
I think there's something a little more complicated than that going on. I remember even when I was a college student who rode public transit in Saratoga Springs (small city in up state New York), it was normal to start a conversation with random people on the bus, or with the bus driver. Sometimes I would initiate it, often others would.
That just doesn't happen in New York. Maybe that's due to space constraints, but it's not like I'm blocking the flow of traffic more or less when I talk to someone on a bus.
I like New York a lot, but this sort of small talk with strangers is absolutely something I miss.
>That just doesn't happen in New York. Maybe that's due to space constraints, but it's not like I'm blocking the flow of traffic more or less when I talk to someone on a bus.
>I like New York a lot, but this sort of small talk with strangers is absolutely something I miss.
It's not about blocking the flow of traffic. It's about not invading the (already small) personal space of others. I think the appropriate term is "etiquette."
As I said, there are absolutely appropriate situations in NYC to engage with others. It's just that those situations are different from those that are appropriate in other places.
As someone who was born and raised in NYC (and who lives here again), that's normal to me.
As someone who's lived in a dozen other places all over the US, those situations are different in many places.
In a walkable small town, it's normal to (at a minimum) nod in acknowledgement of those you pass by on the street. In NYC, when you pass by a couple hundred people in the space of a couple blocks, if you tried to do that you'd end up with whiplash.
In places where everyone is in their car unless they're at the place they wish to go, it's not unusual to interact with folks at those places. But you certainly wouldn't roll down your window and say hello every time you encountered another car.
Yeah I never met to disparage or imply people who live in or are from NYC aren't anything less than amazing.
I love NYC and New Yorkers, consider myself one. New Yorkers are deeply misunderstood and it's usually taken for rudeness when it's just the nature of living in such a big and bustling city.
I grew up in NYC and have lived in a variety of places around the US.
To a certain extent, your observation about NYC is valid. But only to a point.
In NYC, if you're walking down the (very crowded) streets or on the subway, since there's so little personal space, it's considered rude to just stop and start talking to someone.
That said, if there's a reason to interact, most NYers are polite, pleasant, kind and helpful.
What's more, if you're in a situation that calls for it, you can have wonderful conversations with New Yorkers. I do it all the time. I just try not to invade the limited personal space of other people.
It's not that "small talk" doesn't exist in NYC, it's just that where and when such conversations happen differs from other places.
I've lived a a bunch of different places around the US, and there are significant differences as to the etiquette surrounding interactions with strangers.
It is a bit of culture shock though. I went to college in the midwest (Cleveland) and for the first month or so was quite taken aback by all the strangers who'd say hello as I walked by. I got used to it after a while.
I think it's more about introverts vs. extroverts.
As an extrovert, I'll pretty much talk to anyone, anytime. In fact, I pretty much never shut up.
OTOH, a goodly number of those who spend a lot of time online are introverted or just misanthropic.
As such, if you ask a lot of folks who are online, you're more likely to get responses like "Why would you want to talk to someone else?" because the folks who actually like interacting with other humans in person are doing that instead.
That's more anecdotal experience and reasoning to consider.
Edit: As tomjen3 pointed out[0], it's not just introverts and misanthropes who are uncomfortable talking to people IRL. Folks with social anxiety disorder and other issues are also in the mix too. Thanks for bringing that up, tomjen3!
[0] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=29151887