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> Beautifully written top-notch orwellian poetry. Seriously inspiring.

yeah, that paragraph was probably the best one.

all in all i find this text really painful to read.

main issues:

- a lot of sentences feel superfluous, like time-wasting boilerplate

- poor grammar, punctuation and paragraph structure disrupt the reading flow

- there is little logical structure or flow of arguments

- there is far too much repetition



I agree. Good message, but could've used a proofreader/editor to refine it and make corrections.




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