I was in a similar rut. Not just professionally but academically as well for most of my life. Motivation had to be forced to do more than just enough to blend into the crowd. It took me saying enough is enough in my 40's to go get tested. Turns out I have ADHD. Getting therapy to deal with anxiety and depression stuff as well as getting on Adderall has done wonders.
I'm not suddenly working 40+ hours always in the zone. What has happened is that I've been better able to enjoy/engage with coworkers around helping them. Instead of feeling stuck and anxious, it's been easier to feel at ease at work and less fixated on metrics or usefulness. That engagement with my coworkers coupled with lowering how much effort was needed to do work that was previously seen as "busy" work has done wonders for my outlook about work.
In my case the benefit/problem of hyperfixation due to ADHD meant that when I had an interesting bit of work in front of me I could knock it out the park and it didn't feel like any effort. Those infrequent home runs were enough to make up for the times where I just couldn't be bothered to do other less interesting things. Didn't want to do them and because no one was asking me to do them it was ok that I didn't. Deep down I knew I was overcompensating in my strong areas to avoid the uninteresting items. This may not be you but if it is you may want to think on it. It's helped me outside of work as well. Parenting and dating.
thanks for posting this. I've been putting getting tested off for a long time. I don't think anyone ever suspected me of ADHD because even though I'd do the bare minimum in school I'd generally do well.
Being snarkily dismissive of mental disorders isn't a great look, especially when OP stated that they also went to therapy for anxiety/depression and also stated they work less now than they did before because they're able to properly focus.
It might have been unhelpful way of formulating the response, especially in the light of OP's comments about getting treatment for anxiety and depression.
But the comment was probably meant to highlight that there's a sense of ambiguity in medicating what's likely a natural individual difference in brain chemistry. Many diagnosed with ADHD would be considered perfectly well-functioning in a society where hunting, defense or other stressful, spontaneous physically and psychologically demanding activities were common. Many of them would excel at it far beyond the ideal office worker.
So in that sense it can be considered a critique of contemporary society's requirements and standards.
This may be true for tribal societies but we don't live in one anymore and unless I go try and join the sentinels at Sentinel Island, which I have a 99% chance of being killed before reaching, I have to find a way to live and prosper in the society we do have and that's by medicating.
I tried for a decade to make myself work "naturally". Almost left to be a monastic forever. At some point you have to pick up the same shovel everyone else is holding.
Unless you want to pay me 100k to keep trying to do my own thing.
The original topic of this post is someone who is well liked by their coworkers and by the sounds of it plenty productive in the eyes of the company. So your idea that you have to conform at all costs is pretty shaky at best.
For the reader, that's not only an apt analogy - it's a chemically accurate one. Structurally the difference between methamphetamine and amphetamine as well as between ethanol and methanol is a methyl group.
Pharmacologically it's a different story - methanol is not a safe substance with any dose.
Addendum: This isn't to imply that methamphetamine has dosage that eliminates its side effects and neurotoxicity, but rather that drinking methanol will quite easily make one go blind.
I'm not suddenly working 40+ hours always in the zone. What has happened is that I've been better able to enjoy/engage with coworkers around helping them. Instead of feeling stuck and anxious, it's been easier to feel at ease at work and less fixated on metrics or usefulness. That engagement with my coworkers coupled with lowering how much effort was needed to do work that was previously seen as "busy" work has done wonders for my outlook about work.
In my case the benefit/problem of hyperfixation due to ADHD meant that when I had an interesting bit of work in front of me I could knock it out the park and it didn't feel like any effort. Those infrequent home runs were enough to make up for the times where I just couldn't be bothered to do other less interesting things. Didn't want to do them and because no one was asking me to do them it was ok that I didn't. Deep down I knew I was overcompensating in my strong areas to avoid the uninteresting items. This may not be you but if it is you may want to think on it. It's helped me outside of work as well. Parenting and dating.