She has communicated her wish in a way which is already clearly understood. I don't understand why that is deemed insufficient communication.
So, she gets a mild reproach if she makes an indirect ask.
I wonder, what reaction does she get whenever she makes a direct ask? (Not necessarily in this situation, but also in other and past experiences in her life)
Not OP, but: When I notice my wife indirectly advocating for something in a way that I barely pick up on, I try to let her know that it would be appreciated if she'd ask more directly.
Why? Because it lightens my cognitive load, and lessens the chances that I'm missing other times that she's expressing a preference. And, besides, she is smart and deserves to be heard, and I know other people (men) are not listening as carefully for these cues as I am.
It's also "hilarious" when things go wrong the other way, and I interpret something that's just meant to be a question about preference as a serious ask to do something.
Can we just agree neither of them are children and they're fine to communicate how they see fit - It's their marriage?
You can't boil other folk's relationships down to your preferences, and what you're expressing here feels a lot more like personal projection than anything that OP said.
