Someone who has married or has lived with or has employed or is an employee of someone who was in the military etc. AND who hasn’t been in the military themselves.

in other words, the objectivity has to come from someone who has been on the receiving end without having been part of the system.

For example: If I am Indian and I have an accent. Whether it’s understandable to Americans should be deemed by Americans. Not Indians.

Are you arguing that being in the military not only robs one of the ability to live a "self-directed life", but also the ability to even recognize what that is?

I am saying that conformity And obeying orders is an essential attribute of military training.

That is a false stereotype attributed by people who have no access to the military and no experience with it. In what job do you not follow orders?

If anything I am decidedly (perhaps obcessively) less conformist than most developers I have worked with BECAUSE of my military experience.