It's a different culture though. I've definitely read Indian guys complaining how awkward it is to date / experience relationships with families being present all the time. Then there's a significant number of families who will be actively involved in choosing a life partner. And lots of other things... It's hard to compare metrics like young adults living at home without accounting for all of it.
Cultural norms really matter here. If living with your parents is normal, it won’t be a barrier to marriage. If living with your parents is seen as a sign of financial hardship or failure, it will become a barrier to marriage.
I am not sure it’s right to say that one way or another is dysfunctional. Each family is unique, people have different goals and preferences. There is no approach that would be right for everyone. But if the reasons for staying are mostly economical, it tells us that people are most likely doing this not because they enjoy it.
I'm sure the current approach in the US is dysfunctional.
No one is saying people can't move out. All we're saying is that in most countries in the world, there is no stigma to not moving out. Some kids move out when they head out for college. Others move out when they get married and set up families. Others move stay together, and the grandparents help raise the kids.
All of these should be okay.
In the US, they're not. The reasons people are staying are economical, but the reasons most people want to move out are equally broken: image and social pressure. People living with parents in the US are perceived as losers.
COVID19 exasperates this problem. Since the only people moving back in with parents are doing so due to economic reasons, the messaging that sends becomes stronger. I don't mind more than half of 18-29 year olds living with parents. That's only occasionally a problem. I do mind more than half of 18-29 years old living with the ENTIRELY ARTIFICIAL STIGMA of moving back in with parents. That's where the majority of the harm comes from.
(No, I'm not arguing there aren't abusive / dysfunctional / etc. families. It's a common. It's just not the majority case.)
Americans already make poor marriage decisions. Marrying people we have only interacted with under parental supervision would make that much, much worse.
Statistics prove you wrong! In countries where parents are involved in matchmaking (in other words, there is some outside, semi-objective force at work beyond hormones), marriages tend to be healthier and more stable.
"Involved" isn't the same as "coerced," US stereotypes to the contrary.
I expect this has more to do with expectations about compatibility and the strength of the relationship, rather than actually stronger relationships. It would be interesting to see data on subjective satisfaction, behavior, etc. that would separate out couples who are staying married out of duty vs. couples who actually like each other.
Analyses I've seen say this has a lot to do with expectations, but in a rather different way than you described.
To get things out-of-the-way: All the data I've seen suggests that couples in such countries DO actually appear to have stronger relationships and people in relationships DO appear to like each other more (at least a few years in).
General analysis:
US: Couples go into a relationship with the expectation of a Disney-style romance, with a soulmate, prince charming, and all that. Sometimes, that's even there up-front, but people change, and 10 or 20 years down the line, "soulmates" will usually be less compatible. At that point, people are hit with disappointment, conflict, and quite often, divorce. The expectation of potential divorce also gives less incentive to invest into the relationship too. That's especially true in times of crisis. If you're hit by a car, does your mate stick with you or move on? People need to hedge.
PI: Couples go into a relationship with the expectation of initially being different, but of needing to the work to make it work, since they're in it for life. They're not disappointed when reality doesn't look like Disney, and usually they work together to make things work out. Couples tend to grow together over time, rather than grow apart, which is a healthier dynamic. In crisis situations, couples can count on each other to have their backs, since if things go badly for your partner, they go badly for you and vice-versa. Plus, you'll be counting on them in 50 years, so if you're not there for them now...
Refs: Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari.
But there is a more general aspect that parents can objectively evaluate compatibility and quality of your partner in a way that you can't. Again, it's worth noting there's a scale here. Do you inform your parents? Get advice? Ask permission? They pick, with your permission? With your advice? Entirely arranged? It's a spectrum.
Please tell me if this is normal, but the one single Indian guy that I was friends with stayed with his parents and grandparents. He was in his 30s, a virgin, never dated because his family didn’t believe in frivolous dating and when he decided to get married, he went back to India, had eligible women submit from what he explained were “applications”, chose a few that he thought were appealing, went on chaperoned dates to get to know them and about six months later got married.
That is not at all how things work in western cultures.
That’s not meant to be a judgement, we all met for dinner a few years later, they have kids - four generations staying together, they seem happy and every time he talks about her, his eyes still light up in a way that you can’t fake.
I'm born in the west to Indian parents and you're right this is common among Indians but I also went this route and met my spouse this way and we are really happy that we have a multigenerational household. It's especially helpful for working women like my wife because my parents are happy to watch kids if needed and we also can learn from them how to take care of kids, and they are happy to have family around, unlike so many their age.
It's a win win win and anytime this is brought up the first thing people say is "Well I could never live with my parents! I had to get out of there" but honestly there's a lot worth tolerating when you're younger if it means that when you're older you have four more helping hands when you are in your early 20s, starting your careers, and having children.
My grandparents also looked after me when I was young, my granddad picked me up from daycare etc. But, they stayed in their own home.
Don’t get me wrong, if my parents weren’t able to take care of themselves, they would definitely move in with me. My parents are both in their late 70s, and independent, but I don’t see my dad living by himself with his hearing and eyesight going if something happened to my mom.
Different houses nearby is the ideal scenario in my opinion for parent / child couples. Houses are generally not sound proof enough for me to want live in the same one.
As a somewhat well established forty year old, I would send money to my parents and help them pay their bills if needed to maintain their sense of independence if it were merely a financial situation for them before I would move them in with me.
You make it sound like they had to fill out a form. There was such practice in ancient history where the monarchs would have “swayamvar” and eligible groom candidates would have to go through tests.
In the contemporary world, it’s no different than Tinder/OkC, just the CSS(HTML) is different but the dynamics are the same.
With Tinder or OkCupid, if I asked about how they felt about marriage and kids on the first date, I would be ghosted so fast it would make my head spin.
He went to India for two weeks and came back talking about marriage. He had never met or spoken to his now wife beforehand.
