Ah, Randall. Because of course all us nerds already know about leap seconds, and that Google has for a decade implemented leap seconds by "smearing" them over the day rather than as a discontinuity[1].

It makes me want to read it as a Jerry Seinfeld joke. "What's the deal with Google's leap second? It's not a leap, and it's not a second."

[1] https://developers.google.com/time/smear

Here's a question I've always had: why February?

December 32nd would be much more sensible.

Because the early Romans basically stopped counting between December and March. The year began in March, which kinda made sense for an agrarian society that didn't really do much that they needed to track during the winter. When they later added January and February, it made sense (just as you say) to make the leap day the last day before the year really began. It wasn't until later that the year was shifted to begin in January (closer to the solstice).

I heard it was because Rome was a military society. In March the weather was good enough for new military campaigns (hence why it's named after the god of war).

I'd totally believe that. It makes a good deal of sense.

So then when and why did January become the first month?

Quoth Wikipedia¹:

[The two new months of Ianuarius and Februarius] were first placed at the end of the year, but at some point came to be considered the first two months instead.

The January kalend, the start of the month of January, came to be celebrated as the new year at some point after it became the day for the inaugurating new consuls in 153 BC. Romans had long dated their years by these consulships, rather than sequentially, and making the kalends of January start the new year aligned this dating. Still, private and religious celebrations around the March new year continued for some time and there is no consensus on the question of the timing for 1 January's new status.

1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Year%27s_Day

Because it's got the least number of days, so adding one brings it closer the the average? But then I'm going to be curious as to why it only has 28/29 days.

A month with 32 days would just be introducing a new anomaly instead of making an existing one less so.

Because Augustus Caesar wanted his month to have just as many days as his predecessor's month. After that, the regular alternating pattern continued, until the end of the year (February) came up a day short.

Because February is the worst month, so we make it shorter :P

That would make the holiday season one day longer, with all the pain and suffering indicated by the suicide statistics of that period..

I think February was the either the end or beginning of the year in the Georgian calendar's earliest predecessor when leap days were implemented