I do think that identifying this behavior makes sense, but it's definitely not a uniquely Japanese thing[1] (just like tatemae, uchi/soto) and I'm sure there are existing terms for these phenomena. I'm not saying there isn't a Japan-specific aspect to it, but I'd rather learn about what that is than being described a rather generic behavior and link it to Japan.
I mean all these concepts were introduced by a single person and there's IMO so far been little deeper research into it.
The article repeatedly says that the concept of "amae" is universal, and the unique part in Japan is mostly the one word that describes a range of behaviors. The article seems to be preparing Olympics fans for the various excessively cute things they may encounter, though it's a bit heavy handed on the "Japan is so unique" at times.
Yeah, I could sense there is something wrong with the article as soon as I got to the part where the Japanese were portrayed as this unique society where you need to say "excuse me" before approaching a stranger on the street asking for directions. I live in an Eastern European capital, a place that is seen as a lot more "abrasive" compared to how Japan is seen in articles like this one, and most people will definitely ignore you were you to come to them asking for directions without showing some sort of politeness before.
To say nothing of the part with crying kids that become needy and less adventurous if the parents don't come to their side immediately, that really came out of nowhere, sounded like 100% pop-science (which most of the child-related psychology studies really are, to be honest).
> the Japanese were portrayed as this unique society where you need to say "excuse me" before approaching a stranger on the street asking for directions.
I agree that part is not really unique, but if you are an obvious foreigner and stare at a map in a train station for more than a few seconds, a stranger will come up and ask you if you need directions. Maybe it is just people who want a chance to practice their English, or something (since they all have to learn it in school, but do not get a lot of chances to use it in daily life). However, I have literally had someone walk me halfway across the station and wait with me on the platform to personally see me get on the right train, during the middle of commuter rush hour, even though it was not the way she was going at all. That kind of stuff only happens to me in Japan, and it happens to me there repeatedly.
Of course, in the modern cellphone era, navigating Japan is not the imposing challenge for foreigners that it once was.
Yep, I was there earlier this year and I never had anyone offer to help me with directions, but that was probably because I never had a map, and was using my cellphone to get around, and never looked lost. It's so easy with a SIM card and Google Maps.
But when I had a problem using an automated bikeshare machine in Kanazawa, some guy and his girlfriend were more than helpful, even calling the bikeshare place on his phone to work out the problem.
> Yeah, I could sense there is something wrong with the article as soon as I got to the part where the Japanese were portrayed as this unique society where you need to say "excuse me" before approaching a stranger on the street asking for directions.
What that part of the article was trying to convey was that if you approach a Japanese person a bit sheepishly and looking confused, you'll get a much more enthusiastic response than if you directly approach and say "excuse me".
It's not unique to Japan, but it is different than a lot of places.
It's not at all surprising to see this kind of Japanese exceptionalism about, especially on the BBC, which in various ways loves to show Japan as wacky and weird, without much understanding of the cultural context. While there are of course a great many things unique to Japanese culture, articles like this only serve to baselessly inflame Japanese exceptionalism. It doesn't help that nihonjinron ideas are very common in Japan too. The number of times I've heard "you wouldn't understand, it's a Japanese thing" in serious contexts is baffling.
While there may or may not be an element of Nihonjinron to this idea in general, I think people are intentionally taking parts of the article out of context as justification to dismiss it outright.
I mean, here is the quote that is getting everybody upset:
> “It’s unique in Japan because one word takes care of so many phenomena, behaviours and interactions”, from a toddler crying to be picked up to a wife begging her husband for an expensive gift, “but amae exists everywhere beyond Japan and people can identify it in their lives, even if they didn’t know what to call it.”
The interviewee clearly says this is a global concept, which goes against any notion of Nihonjinron. The claim is that only Japan has a term for this specific, nuanced behavior, which is a debatable issue.
Anybody that has ever spent time in an intimate environment in Japan (e.g., at home with family) will likely notice amae and its prevalence in close relationships, no matter the age or gender of the people involved. The purpose of the article, as far as I can tell, is not to claim that this behavior is unique to Japanese people, but rather to emphasize its importance in the culture at many different levels.
Some people do overcorrect and push back on any claim that something could be unique or interesting about Japan. But I think it’s right to maintain intense skepticism of anyone saying “oh, this Japanese term is very deep and complex, learning about it will explain so much”. Psychology professors are good at drawing lines between behavior, but would the average Japanese person actually identify Jerry Seinfeld using someone else’s refrigerator as amae?
My wife is Japanese and I’ve spent a few years living there. We also have a child, so I’ve experienced many of the differences in American and Japanese parenting styles.
When I read this article, I don’t see amae as something uniquely Japanese of course, but I do see how it is perceived differently in the two cultures. I think the point behind the article is that indulging in amae (both with children and as an adult) is more socially acceptable in Japanese culture than in American or other Western cultures.
Ha, this is cool! Now a word for that thing people do where they intentionally impose on each other. Like I’ve noticed that for no particular reason sometimes in our friend group we’ll do things like eat from someone else’s plate instead of going to get more, or ask someone to pick something up or pour you water. Or like when girls ask to go out somewhere but won’t really say where and all that.
Almost always seems to result in greater intimacy used in that manner.
What’s interesting is the fact that this is the same channel used abusively. I think I’ve seen that in action but not connected it as the same thing because the results are qualitatively different.
I think I see what you mean, with my family and close friends we do the same, I think it just feels good from time to time to just be able to relax, be lazy and have people taking care of you, as long as you do the same when they are not feeling up to something. Kind of a temporary unconditional love.
I don't think there's much more to it than that it's nice to have people you're fond of count on you and expect things from you since that's an expression of trust on their part. Fulfilling that trust is just satisfying. The symmetry of requests/fulfillment makes it so that you know you're in a balanced relationship.
Or perhaps there's a Ben Franklin Effect[0] sort of thing going on.
I've once had a Japanese developer on my team which I was leading. He would always ask me for my opinion on how to do things, but then he ended up doing something else. It felt like he already knew the answer and had his own idea anyway. Now I know why!
Did anyone else find this article hard to follow? First, the definition of amae was poor. It seemed mostly a collection of examples. Second, the author made broad claims, like that amae was reflected in the #metoo movement, without substantiating or explaining them.
Indeed, the behaviors described in the article immediately reminded me of Games People Play [0], a popular psychology book from the 1960's based on transactional analysis. The book describes various "games" in which the participants attempt play a certain social role to achieve their desired outcome. The ideas and behaviors here are not uniquely Japanese at all.
In japanese culture, there's always this Tatemae, meaning you put on a different front everyday for work or even with friends so when you're alone with your partner or whoever, you act like a baby to get taken care of.
Its so difficult to show your true self if you follow japanese culture. There are many who are more westernized and open and say what they want but still, there's this shyness or a barrier you always have.
Sometimes you just have to say F it and just say what you want!
Ctrl+F Amae: 46 results. It's like the author lose a bet and had to cram the word as much as possible in 1500 words article. Also, as other said, there is nothing really particular of Japanese culture there.
"Hey doc, my spleen is half hanging out of my body - is it sufficiently healed for me to leave yet, or does the fact that I haven't been discharged mean I should stick around?"
Are we not supposed to ask the advice of the expert? Tell a doctor you looked up symptoms on google and they'll get irritated. This example is odd to me.
https://www.reddit.com/r/japan/comments/eau0cx/japans_deep_c...
I do think that identifying this behavior makes sense, but it's definitely not a uniquely Japanese thing[1] (just like tatemae, uchi/soto) and I'm sure there are existing terms for these phenomena. I'm not saying there isn't a Japan-specific aspect to it, but I'd rather learn about what that is than being described a rather generic behavior and link it to Japan.
I mean all these concepts were introduced by a single person and there's IMO so far been little deeper research into it.
[1] The article tries a little bit to not make that point but Doi says so... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Anatomy_of_Dependence