If you don't mind my asking, could you give a few examples of these social situations and what troubles you had?
I only ask because I went through rather an opposite path of believing from a young age that because I couldn't manage certain social situations that I must be on the spectrum in some way^[1], and once I changed who I was in those situations with I was able to relearn how to work in them.
So it's interesting to me to hear what someone on other end experienced.
^[1] (even after my school sending me for analysis cleared me of that almost immediately, I assumed there must be something. Later it turned out I was in a very inhospitable environment growing up and had developed coping mechanisms for being around people that didn't express around psychologists or psychiatrists)
For example I have never done well in group situations. I see other people having fun and bonding while I am on the sidelines, don't have fun and don't make connections. I have tried a lot of things but I never got comfortable. This contrasts to other things like public speaking or talking to women. There I took advice and could implement it with a lot of effort and eventual improvement. But there are situations where I simply don't improve despite other people handling them naturally without effort. I also can identify with some typical autistic traits.
I would compare it to a dyslexic ex coworker. I can look at a sheet of paper and read it within seconds, understand it and spot spelling errors. He could stare at it for hours and only see a jumble of letters. I practiced a lot with him but he just didn't improve. On the other hand the same person could go to a bar, look at people, and immediately he knew who to talk to in what way. I go to a bar, see random people, but simply can't read the situation.
Does this make sense? I have improved a lot from a miserable childhood up to my 30s to now being socially reasonable functioning but I have some hard limits I can't overcome no matter how I try. Now I am accepting this and feel liberated from pressure.
> But there are situations where I simply don't improve despite other people handling them naturally without effort
When you say you don't improve, are you referring to internally or externally, as in, are you not improving in that you can't pass for someone handling the situation, or not improving in that you can pass for handling the situation but you don't get any more comfortable?
When I actually started to improve I found that I had previously been going about it the wrong way around, where I was trying to force myself to feel comfortable hoping the cues and behaviours would come later, what actually helped was getting basic (basic to others anyway) tips and advice on how to fit into the situations and then letting the comfort and confidence come later.
Obviously we're in different life situations, but your perspective is super interesting here.
I only ask because I went through rather an opposite path of believing from a young age that because I couldn't manage certain social situations that I must be on the spectrum in some way^[1], and once I changed who I was in those situations with I was able to relearn how to work in them.
So it's interesting to me to hear what someone on other end experienced.
^[1] (even after my school sending me for analysis cleared me of that almost immediately, I assumed there must be something. Later it turned out I was in a very inhospitable environment growing up and had developed coping mechanisms for being around people that didn't express around psychologists or psychiatrists)