I did not take note of the date when my grandmother died. The more I read, the better I feel about it. I do not need a fixed date in a year to remember someone
I wouldn’t care that much either, it’s more the collateral damage you can create as OP outlined. My father would suffer a lot if I didn’t see him on that day for example
After my dad's death, I found my mother would become far more emotional around her birthday. These occasions, special days, are reminders of a void. Something missing that will never be again. In her case, her husband saying Happy Birthday first thing in the morning.
Remember someone is key from preventing them dying a second death. They are truly dead when no-one remembers them any longer. If it takes a note to remember their deathday, that's OK.
Similarly, if somebody doesn't feel comfortable celebrating "deathdays", then that's OK too. Just because GP didn't take note of when their Grandmother died doesn't mean that no-one remembers her.
I do not know why hackercrow's commend is dead, I personally took no offense with it.
I do remember her, all the time. But everyone has their own way to grieve, to deal with loss of a loved person. Some order 2 beers at a bar and only drink one. Some do family meetings every year, pull up videos and pictures of great times had. Some like to just remember them at random occasions, reminisce about great times had together. To me, randomly remembering a person means much more than an a deathday.
To me, a fixed date makes it seem like this is the only occasion when you're supposed to grieve about that person.
