The realization that people I considered friends never really have been after that memo got to me too. They might like my presence, but I don't really count as a women should be to them and they never considered me good as they pretended to. Good thing I don't always get subtle social clues I guess.
But the rest sounds like burnout. Old programmers I see around had all learned not to let companies burn them out.
You can be friends with someone without thinking they're the best developer you've ever met
You can also believe that trying to have a 50-50 at Google means the bar has been lowered without believing that about specific individual developers. I know a girl working at Improbable and I went to college with her, I have no doubt that she got there on merit.
If everyone takes every generalisation personally then we can't have any statistical reasoning
Of course I can be friend with someone who dont think I am the best developer he ever met.
If you think I cant be good developer through, because I am women and those dont get to be good developers, no, we cant be friends and never actually been friends. You have just smiled on me and pretended to be nice guy. You never respected me and never will respect me. And I was dumb for not getting it. Then again, I guess if I would get these things, I would not ended up in profession I don't belong to according to guys I considered friends before.
What I do and being good at what I do was always important to me. If I did not ended as programmer, other thing would have the same status. In a way, being lonely is better then finding out friends were never friends.
It also means I cant trust you anymore, because you have been deceiving me for long. Of course I will continue to be polite to you.
"The only pressure you get is the one you accept". Just learn to say no. I think that's the most important thing women and shy people need to learn. No.
"You should work late to show your commitment". "No".
"We over-promised so it is crunch time". "No".
"Here is a company phone so we can contact you easily in case of emergency". "No".
And sleeping enough every day is one of the most important things you can do. And finding a job in a good company even if you earn a little less.
Really good advice. I think the perception is that if we say no we’ll be screamed at and fired. In reality your manager is more likely to become more flustered than you.
Absolutely this. As I got older, I realized that I felt more relaxed and refreshed after a weekend when I put the computer down and went for a hike or out to the bar with friends, or to the local game store for some kind of games. Things I used to consider counterproductive. Having something else going on is important for putting things in context.
Don't ignore warning signals and be careful when lowering the standards because of some life circumstances. If a place looks like it's assholry driven and without common sense, it probably is.
Yes. That was actually first advice I got from a guy on first real under pressure project I worked on. (He was more specific tho.) I followed his (specific) advice and it paid on even in short term.
But the rest sounds like burnout. Old programmers I see around had all learned not to let companies burn them out.