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I read this book after I divorced, and I remember seeing a lot of my own relationship in it.

Bottom line, everyone is not you, and to make the most of a relationship you need to understand how they see things, and accommodate.




you need to understand how they see things

Isn't that the hard part?


No. The hardest part is often the willingness to see things from another's point of view - and to have it be all right for the other to have a different point of view.

Understanding comes with that willingness.


In my experience realizing that your partner has different expectations for the actions--Physical Touch, Words of Affirmatio, Quality Time, Thoughtful Gifts, Acts of Service--that affirm your relationship is the hard part. Acting on that realization is straightforward if you are committed to the relationship. It's a good book and one I wish I had read earlier.


It is the hard part. Part of the value of the book is in providing a simple framework for people to understand something a little alien to them. This will increase your chances of understanding. This is not the same as trying put people in a box and limit them, it is more like trying to study what typifies a particular culture and being sensitive to that.


Yup, that's the hard part. Empathy is a skill that can be developed though, and it can be useful, and not just for altruistic motives.


It was for us. :-/




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