Here is my impression of a lot of the problem, but I am certainly not an expert:
In the 80s and 90s the kind of therapy you see in movies where you lie on a couch and talk about your childhood became very popular. That is called pyschodynamic therapy. A lot of it is based on building certain dynamics between the patient and therapist, and so in a lot of ways it builds a dependence on the therapist. A lot of therapists feel pretty strongly against it, and that there are a lot of bad incentives at play. I agree with them. I also think this kind of therapy can even be regressive: it tends to focus on making the ego strong rather than flexible. I'd be willing to bet that was the kind of therapy your family members received.
Those who are doing the kind of therapy I'm talking about (some CBT, mindfulness & meditation, acceptance practice etc.) tend to be focused much more on skills than history. The point is not to figure out that you react to situations in a specific way because of some off hand comment your mother made when you were 5. The point is learning to recognize those situations, and to learn to have a goto way to deal with them. If you stay in this kind of therapy for more than 2 years it's probably a mistake. From day one my therapist talked about getting me out the door.
So my advice would to make sure you go in with a plan, focus on skillset building, not personal exploration (which can be useful in small doses, but also is extremely egocentric and can easily exacerbate issues imo). Have a timeline in mind (doesn't have to be strict, but like your family my parents were in therapy for decades - that's ridiculous and exploitative). Keep it goal oriented. Look for people with a lot of CBT experience.
And of course, the major caveat: I didn't go in with anything but general depression and anxiety. If you have major depression, PTSD, etc. I think the rules are probably pretty different (although my impression is that generally pyschodynamic therapy is not appropriate for that either).
In the 80s and 90s the kind of therapy you see in movies where you lie on a couch and talk about your childhood became very popular. That is called pyschodynamic therapy. A lot of it is based on building certain dynamics between the patient and therapist, and so in a lot of ways it builds a dependence on the therapist. A lot of therapists feel pretty strongly against it, and that there are a lot of bad incentives at play. I agree with them. I also think this kind of therapy can even be regressive: it tends to focus on making the ego strong rather than flexible. I'd be willing to bet that was the kind of therapy your family members received.
Those who are doing the kind of therapy I'm talking about (some CBT, mindfulness & meditation, acceptance practice etc.) tend to be focused much more on skills than history. The point is not to figure out that you react to situations in a specific way because of some off hand comment your mother made when you were 5. The point is learning to recognize those situations, and to learn to have a goto way to deal with them. If you stay in this kind of therapy for more than 2 years it's probably a mistake. From day one my therapist talked about getting me out the door.
So my advice would to make sure you go in with a plan, focus on skillset building, not personal exploration (which can be useful in small doses, but also is extremely egocentric and can easily exacerbate issues imo). Have a timeline in mind (doesn't have to be strict, but like your family my parents were in therapy for decades - that's ridiculous and exploitative). Keep it goal oriented. Look for people with a lot of CBT experience.
And of course, the major caveat: I didn't go in with anything but general depression and anxiety. If you have major depression, PTSD, etc. I think the rules are probably pretty different (although my impression is that generally pyschodynamic therapy is not appropriate for that either).