@hugh4 thats a fair point and that does happen. It means the people involved are still working their way through things.
It's been my experience, that if I am practicing correctly, the louder the ego, the more intense the meditation. Meditation isn't about seeking out bliss; it's about letting go the things you cling to and seeking out the things you have aversion to. To allow things to arise and pass on their own. Sometimes the ego will get louder and more resistant as things near towards the breakthrough. (And this isn't a one-time event; I've lost count on the number of things that have come up during my practice).
Shame and embarrassment are often one of the first aversions that will come up when it comes time to work with the ego. These are things that you wished you could have said to the other person. These are things that you try to hide from other people, including yourself.
Smugness, the "I know something you don't", is also related to shame and embarrassment. This is the social cue and attitude that triggers the shame and insecurity reflex in other people, the shame of not being in the "in" on things. Now, granted, there are people who just go along and do their thing, and other people will still react to them as if they are smug. But I have met meditators who got into that "smug" phase -- hell, I've been through that phase before too. If you have good friends along this journey, they will help you through that smugness phase, and other difficulties along the way.
Lastly, working with the ego isn't really about defeating it or annihilating it. At it's core, it's the spiritualization of the ego. It's an incredible journey, and the specifics of that journey will be uniquely yours alone.
Quite sincerely, my understanding of the Soto zen tradition is "Sit & face the wall. Sit sincerely. Just sit." Everything else is extra. Include the new age hippy bullshit ugh. Including this judgment! Including this pride I take in displaying such wonderous knowledges about something as simple as sitting & facing the wall. lol :)
In buddhism, it's been about simply finding ones own mind, free of cultural conditioning & habits. To do this, one practices "let it go". This is the similarity in all traditions - in Zen it might be the "Mu" koan.
